Donor egg

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Increasingly, programs require donors and recipients to meet with a counselor trained in dealing with issues of third-party reproduction to assess and help prepare the parties for the process of egg donation. The counselor can give guidance about resources for support and education, and can also raise issues about the short and long-term implications of the donation. This is an important part of the process, and discussing these issues early on can help avert problems in the future.
One important concern for the donor and recipient couple to discuss is the issue of privacy vs. openness, especially if the donor is a relative. The more in agreement they are about how open they will be and with whom – as well as what the expectations are of the donor’s future relationship with the child – the better.
When family members or friends know about the donation it can be difficult to keep it a secret. Family secrets can potentially have a deleterious effect on the couple’s relationship with their child. It can be useful for the donor and recipient to “try on” as much as possible, different scenarios that may arise.
Issues such as – what is the long term obligation of the donor if the first cycle doesn’t work, or if there is a pregnancy loss – are important to think through together. Donors may become very invested in the outcome of the cycle, and it can be helpful to establish clear limits on what their obligation will be.
This is the third in a series of articles entitled “Using a Known Egg Donor.” Read the rest of the articles in this series to learn more about the advantages and concerns of building your family using a known egg donor.
Other articles in this series:
Using a Known Egg Donor: An Introduction
Using a Known Egg Donor:What Makes a Good Donor?
Using a Known Egg Donor: How to Ask
Using a Known Egg Donor: How to Thank
Contributed by: 
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C
Kathleen Hirsch, LCSW-C

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In our clinical practice, we have seen some known donor situations that seem to work better than others. Both the donor and the recipient couple appear to have less concern about the future welfare of the donor, if the donor has already had children of her own – and even better – if she considers her family to be complete.
If the donor already has children of her own, she understands better what she is giving. Also, if she considers her family to be complete, then the risk – however small – that the process might impact on her future fertility, would not be relevant.
One indication that the process may be successful is if the donor offers to donate without being asked. This can make for a more comfortable, less pressured situation. Another sign that bodes well is if the donor, when asked, gives an extremely positive response. We have heard donors reply with comments such as “I feel honored that you would ask” or “I feel honored that you would ask” or “I feel flattered,” initial indications that the process may work out well.
Some donors have made general offers in the past, once they heard about the couple’s infertility, with statements such as,“If there’s anything I can do to help…” These donors are often relieved to discover that they only have to donate their eggs – and not carry a pregnancy – which may have raised more concerns for them about attachment to the baby.
This is the second in a series of articles entitled “Using a Known Egg Donor.” Read the rest of the articles in this series to learn more about the advantages and concerns of building your family using a known egg donor.
Other articles in this series:
Using a Known Egg Donor: An Introduction
Using a Known Egg Donor: What to Discuss
Using a Known Egg Donor: How to Ask
Using a Known Egg Donor: How to Thank
Contributed by: 
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C
Kathleen Hirsch, LCSW-C

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The decision to use a donor egg can be difficult one for couples. Choosing this option inevitably involves grieving over the loss of one’s biological connection to a child. However, the donor egg option enables the recipient to still be able to experience pregnancy, have some control over gestational environment, and have a baby that is genetically related to at least one member of the couple.
A further issue involves deciding whether to use a known or unknown donor. For some couples, the use of a known donor offers many advantages. If the donor is a relative – especially a sister – there can be comfort in using gametes from the same genetic pool. This can help the recipient to feel a stronger biological connection to the baby.
In addition, recipients often feel more in control and less uncertain, as they have more information about the donor than in an anonymous situation. Finally, there may be a shorter waiting time to begin the process, as opposed to the possibility of a lengthy wait for an anonymous donor.
Building a family using a donor egg has proven to be a viable and satisfying option for many. Deciding to use a known donor is a complex process with long-range implications for the donor, recipient couple and the child.
What works well, from our experience, seems to be when time is taken to clarify present and future roles, obligations and views on such important matters as privacy vs. openness. Recipients appear to feel best when donors offer. However, even when the recipient asks, donors, often respond quite positively. Giving the donor the time and space to consider the option is an important part of the process. Finally, planning a thank you ritual can be an equally important part of putting closure on what is an emotionally challenging – but deeply rewarding – experience for both donor and recipient.
This is the first in a series of articles entitled “Using a Known Egg Donor.” Read the rest of the articles in this series to learn more about the advantages and concerns of building your family using a known egg donor.
Other articles in this series:
Using a Known Donor: What Makes a Good Donor?
Using a Known Donor: What to Discuss
Using a Known Donor: How to Ask
Using a Known Donor: How to Thank
Contributed by: 
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C
Kathleen Hirsch, LCSW-C

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In September 2020, while the COVID-19 pandemic continued to spread across the globe, Elizabeth found herself sitting at an empty gate in London Heathrow International Airport, feeling certain that she was one of the only people in the world crazy enough to fly to the U.S., but when she reminded herself why she was making the trip, she knew she was making the right choice. Elizabeth was headed to Shady Grove Fertility (SGF) in Rockville, MD, where she would undergo an embryo transfer that was years in the making.

Elizabeth had never felt that deep seeded yearning for children and motherhood that some women speak about. It’s not that she never wanted children, on the contrary, Elizabeth knew that raising a child would be one of the most profound and rewarding experiences that life had to offer, she just wasn’t in any rush. She figured, eventually, when the timing felt right, or perhaps after meeting the right person, she’d think about the prospect more seriously. Unfortunately for cis gender women, ovaries follow a different timeline.

Time to Start a Family

When Elizabeth “eventually” met Paul and “the time felt right” to start a family, she soon learned that her age would prove to be an insurmountable obstacle to conceiving without any medical interventions.

The pair began pursuing IVF treatment in 2017 and although Elizabeth was in her 40s, they still thought their chances of success were pretty good. After all, they had seen countless women in their 40s have children through IVF, and they never imagined that Elizabeth wouldn’t be one of them. For many, though, fertility treatment can feel like taking three steps forward, just to take two steps back again, and Elizabeth and Paul were not spared this fate. They tried for years; years of being poked and prodded and encouraged and then devastated all over again. They did seven cycles at two different clinics, until finally, their doctor sat them down and told them the hard truth; at 44 years old, Elizabeth had less than a 3 percent chance of having a child with her own eggs.

“I never expected this to happen to me, for this to be my story,” Elizabeth said. “I could have kept going. I don’t give up. I don’t like losing.”

Overcoming Infertility Internationally

But time humbles us all, and Elizabeth is a pragmatist. Still the choice to use donor egg was a difficult one to make. She was surprised by the grief she felt, like she was mourning her genetic legacy. She was scared too – scared that she wouldn’t bond with a baby that wasn’t biologically hers, worried that it wouldn’t feel right somehow.

These worries melted away as soon as she met Dr. Levy at Shady Grove Fertility. Because the U.K. does not allow anyone to pay for someone else’s eggs or sperm, donation is extremely rare. Instead, British patients head to Greece or Spain or Turkey or any country where egg donation is more readily available. Elizabeth and Paul looked at clinics in several countries, but when they were referred to Shady Grove Fertility, their choice was clear. SGF had the highest success rates, an experienced team dedicated to managing international patients, and access to egg banks far larger, and with far more information, than any other clinic that they had considered. When they arrived in the States, they were immediately reassured.

“Dr. Levy made a genuine effort to connect with us,” Elizabeth said.

The ease and confidence he projected was infectious, and when Elizabeth shared her doubts and fears about using a donor, Dr. Levy told her that everything she was feeling was normal, but in his 30+ years of experience, he had seen every single one of those thoughts disappear as soon as the patient held her baby in her arms.

On the plane back to London, Paul and Elizabeth discussed all that lay ahead and felt confident and supported by the entire SGF team.

Choosing the Right Egg Donor

The first time Elizabeth went to the egg bank website to review donor profiles, she instantly slammed her computer shut before the page had even loaded. It was one thing to accept that they would be using a donor, but actually sitting down and choosing who that person would be was something different altogether.

It took 2 months for Elizabeth to look at the donors again. Over time she and Paul developed the habit of scrolling through the profiles together in bed at the end of the day. In life Elizabeth was decisive and commanding, but when it came to such an existential issue, she was uncomfortable and struggled to commit.

When they finally made their choice, Elizabeth made Paul press the button, but first, she insisted they sleep on it for one more night. The next morning, she told Paul that she was confident and reassured by the choice they had made, and Paul pressed the button. Later that day, she and Paul learned their request wasn’t accepted.

Two steps forward, three steps back.

This happened again a few weeks later, and exhausted by the emotional toll of it all, she called SGF to ask what she was doing wrong. As it turned out, both of the women they had requested had been chosen out from under them, while they were sleeping on it. After that she became methodical. She got into a rhythm and made it her job to find and request the right donor before it was too late.

It happened in a taxi. She was coming home from time spent with friends, scrolling through profiles, when Elizabeth found a profile that she felt, in her gut, was her donor.

“I can’t wait to show you this profile,” she quickly texted Paul. “DON’T WAIT, PRESS IT NOW!” He responded. Elizabeth was flustered, she had never been the one to press the button before, to actively take that leap of faith, but she knew that another rejection would be far worse than whatever she was feeling in that moment. So, she pressed the button and set down her phone.

“I’m proud of our donor,” Elizabeth said, “I’ll be proud to show her to our kid one day.”

How the COVID-19 Pandemic Temporarily Paused Parenthood

Although it had taken some time for Elizabeth to come around to the idea of using an egg donor, once she found the right donor, she was all in. Paul already had a frozen sperm sample ready at the SGF lab, and they both eagerly awaited the many updates SGF provided as the donor underwent the egg retrieval process.

Everything was going according to plan; the donor had produced 5 healthy embryos and Elizabeth’s embryo transfer was scheduled for March, but then the lockdowns began and once again, Elizabeth and Paul were forced to take another step backward. In these darker days, Elizabeth was happy that she waited to find Paul, even if waiting meant dealing with all of the infertility treatment they had gone through. He had a way of making everything feel lighter. He made her laugh and helped her stay optimistic even when it felt like the world was working against her.

After taking a 6-week hiatus, SGF resumed frozen embryo transfers in late May and by the end of Summer it seemed like the global rate of COVID-19 infections were dipping, so in September Elizabeth was on that plane.

When Elizabeth arrived at the SGF office, it was much quieter than she remembered. The clinic was operating with a skeleton crew and the temperature check, hand sanitizing stations, and mask clad staff were all a stark reminder of the difficult times the pandemic has wrought. By and large though, the embryo transfer went just as she had expected it to, and she quickly returned to the U.K.

Paul picked her up at the airport and the two drove straight to the English countryside to quarantine in peace and quiet. Paul cooked and cared for her and every now and then, he suggested she take a pregnancy test. But each time he did, the fear of facing another disappointment felt like more than she could handle.

“Let’s just wait until the appointment, it’s too early now,” she’d tell him. And then, after their 2-week quarantine was nearly up, Elizabeth decided not knowing was harder than knowing the news was bad, so she took a pregnancy test. Her experience with infertility treatment over the years had left its scars and even the best news was laced with anxiety and fear. Despite herself though, her heart leapt when the test turned positive, and just as she had a good feeling about their donor, she had a good feeling that this time the pregnancy would stick.

As of November of 2020, Elizabeth is 9 weeks pregnant. It’s still early days, but she feels good, hopeful and optimistic about the outcome. After a long and laborious trek through the tundra that infertility treatment can often feel like, she and Paul are starting to see the light on the other side of the storm, and they know it glows more brightly than ever, thanks to SGF.

To learn more information about the egg donor process, please click here.

For further inspiration from an SGF patient who underwent the donor egg process, click here.

Schedule an Appointment

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Jordan and Josh of Uniontown, PA, knew it wouldn’t be easy to start a family of their own. At the young age of 26, Jordan was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure (POF), also known as primary ovarian insufficiency (POI)—a condition in which ovulation and menses end before the age of 40. Women who develop this have a severely diminished or depleted egg supply in their ovaries.

“Prior to my diagnosis, it was always my biggest dream to have children,” says Jordan. “When I initially learned I would need an egg donor, I was absolutely devastated. Years went by and I saw various doctors, but none of them seemed inclined to help me or give me any hope. After I married my husband, Josh, we got more serious about starting a family, and decided to go straight to the best. We sought out treatment with Dr. Jason Bromer at Shady Grove Fertility.”

“SGF offers truly compassionate, personalized care. We understand the intimate nature of fertility treatment and try to exhibit compassion and empathy at every turn. When it comes to premature ovarian failure, donor egg treatment is the only effective infertility treatment,” said Jason Bromer, M.D., who sees patients in SGF’s Frederick and Hagerstown, MD, locations.

Donor egg treatment is intended for women who are unable to use their own eggs for conception but can still carry a child. Through an egg donor, an individual or couple at SGF can select a fully medically, genetically, and psychologically prescreened egg donor who best suits their family and is ready to cycle and donate, without the wait. While SGF’s donor registry de-identifies the donors, the donor registry provides prospective recipients (the intended parents) with a wealth of information about the donor, including, in many cases, adult photos.

SGF is one of only a few centers in the nation that selects and prescreens its own egg donors prior to making them available on their donor registry. Much more commonly, fertility centers rely on an agency to select donors, which adds significant costs, passed on to the intended parents. “While neither recipients nor donors are given any identifying information about one another, at SGF the recipients are given a wealth of information about the donor, such as medical and family history, education, physical characteristics, in order to aid in the selection process,” says Michele Purcell, MHA, RN, Director, Specialty Programs at SGF.

Once Dr. Bromer explained the donor egg process, Jordan and Josh said they felt encouraged to move forward with their treatment plan and the support of the SGF team. They were thrilled to find out that their first cycle was a success.

“I sobbed with happiness; I could barely believe it. We had our miracle baby girl, and plan on using another of our three remaining embryos to give her a sibling in the future. She is the light of our lives, our greatest gift from God, and our reason for existing,” said Jordan.

Jordan reflected on her experience and how having a child via donor egg treatment was the best decision she has ever made.

“If I could go back in time years earlier, hopeless and beside myself with sadness, I would tell myself that there’s nothing to be sad about because the greatest joy you’ve ever known is just ahead. I would tell myself to hang in there and have faith. I would never trade our story for another. Our little girl is perfect in every way, and I am SO happy that we had this beautiful chapter in our lives. I am grateful every single day, and never take it for granted,” adds Jordan.

Thousands of SGF patients have become parents thanks to the generosity of egg donors, whom are compensated generously by SGF for their time, effort, and commitment, not for their actual oocytes/eggs. SGF compensates its donors at various points throughout the prescreening and donation process.

“As I was contemplating donating my eggs, friends and family reminded me to never underestimate the impact that I could have on someone else’s life. Funny, as now, I feel like my life has also been forever changed. By giving something so precious away to someone in need, I felt immeasurable, indescribable joy in return,” adds one former SGF egg donor.

Under SGF’s stringent screening requirements, any woman between the ages of 21-32 who meets certain criteria and has knowledge of her family history may be considered for egg donation. A short online application with a prompt reply identifies if a candidate is pre-qualified to become an egg donor at SGF. Once pre-qualified, all egg donor candidates must complete a comprehensive personal and family medical history questionnaire. “We take our screening process very seriously and are intentionally selective in order to try and protect the health of the baby and the intended mother,” adds Purcell.

SGF, a pioneer in offering an IVF treatment financial guarantee for donor egg, makes treatment affordable through their exclusive Shared Donor Egg Program and Shared Risk 100% Refund Program for Donor Egg Treatment. The Shared Risk 100% Refund Program offers patients up to six donor egg cycles and any subsequent frozen embryo transfers (FETs) for one flat fee. In the event the attempts are unsuccessful, the patient may be eligible for a 100% refund. SGF’s Donor Egg Program provides patients with a highly effective treatment to overcome infertility, with a 60% clinical pregnancy rate per embryo transfer.

To learn more about SGF’s Donor Egg Treatment Program, information seekers and/or current SGF patients may attend a free patient seminar in SGF’s newest Manhattan, NY office on Thursday, January 23, 2020. Dr. Anate Brauer, board certified reproductive endocrinologist, will provide an in-depth look into donor egg treatment at SGF. Attendees can ask questions one-on-one with Dr. Brauer following the seminar, and all attendees will be entered into a raffle to win $1,000 off their donor egg treatment cycle.

Schedule an Appointment

To learn more or to schedule an appointment with an SGF physician, please speak with one of our New Patient Liaisons at 877-971-7755 or fill out this brief form.

For international patients, to learn more about SGF’s International Donor Egg Treatment Program or for help choosing an egg donor, please reach us by phone at 0208 003 0827 or email Amanda Segal, International Patient Liaison, at Amanda.Segal@sgfertility.com.

Watch SGF’s International Donor Egg On-Demand Webinar, hosted by Joseph Doyle, M.D. and International Patient Liaison, Amanda Segal. Attendees will learn about SGF’s internally renowned Donor Egg Treatment Program, which offers concierge-level coordination of care, high success rates, and innovative financial options. Viewers will also learn more about our donor egg registry, the donor recruitment process, and tips for selecting an egg donor, in addition to receiving temporary access to the database.

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Sarah Esdaile, an SGF Egg Donor Recipient and U.K. Patient Liaison, was recently interviewed about her decision to seek donor egg treatment in America. Sarah’s story began at age 40, when she was told of her infertility and that she would have to “forget motherhood, adopt, or use donor eggs.” Her story is real and raw, and we hope it brings hope and support to others who are on a similar journey.

“I wanted children more than anyone I knew but didn’t meet the man I wanted them with until I was 38. My husband and I started trying for a baby soon after we were married, but after a failed round of IVF, the doctors told us our options were to forget it, adopt or use donor eggs. I had never heard of anyone using donor eggs – it all felt too much like an episode of Jeremy Kyle.”

“At the time, I was devastated and unable to get past the insurmountable idea of having a child with no genetic connection to me. But, when my sister – who was 37 and had two children of her own – offered to donate her eggs, I accepted with gratitude. Unfortunately, using my sister’s eggs and my husband’s sperm also failed. I was close to despair, although in hindsight, I consider it a blessing in disguise.

My doctor and I discussed plan B, which came in the form of Dr. Michael Levy at Shady Grove Fertility in Rockville, MD, who had seen a high success rate with UK patients using donor eggs. We knew that we wanted to use an anonymous donor, but still get as much information as possible about her and moved forward with egg donor treatment in the US. I gave birth to my daughter in March 2014.”

Read more here about our egg donor database, the largest egg donor program in the nation. For more on our donors, click here.

“I feel strongly about telling my story for two reasons. Firstly, I refuse to be part of the conspiracy of women lying about how they are getting pregnant in their 40s. I was that woman – reading about celebrities having twins at 45 and using these kind of stories to delude myself that it was ok to wait, because I’d have plenty of time to have a baby.”

“Secondly, I want women to be aware of the limitations of their fertility: sex education needs to be about more than not getting pregnant or contracting an STD. It must raise awareness of the brutal decline in fertility with age and how hard it can be to get pregnant at all. People can be very ignorant about infertility unless they encounter problems of their own, especially when it comes to egg donation. Some have asked me how I got my child back into the country and whether I had to adopt her. If I had waited until I was completely sure, I would never have done it, but ultimately, it comes down to how much you want a baby.”

“Being a mother is such a practical thing, there is neither the time nor energy to dwell on anything but keeping your baby clean, fed and thriving. I experienced that feeling of familiarity that all mothers describe. When my daughter came out, she felt like an old friend that I was desperate to see – I was beyond excited to meet her, yet had a strong sense that I knew her well already.”

“It was expensive to go to America for treatment but there were advantages, such as the Shared Risk 100% Refund Program, which means that you bring home a baby or get your money back. At the end, you either end up with a baby – in which case money seems irrelevant – or you just lose the price of flights and hotels. People often ask me whether I wish I had only paid for a single round, given I got pregnant on my first attempt, but I don’t. Having the safety net of further rounds enabled me to relax and trust the process.”

Another feasible option is the Shared Donor Egg Program, which can reduce the cost of donor egg treatment by up to 50 percent or can be combined with our Shared Risk 100% Refund Program for Donor Egg for the same cost as a single traditional donor egg cycle. By sharing donated eggs with one or two other recipients, patients are sharing in the cost of that donor. We will synchronize each recipient’s treatment cycle and share the eggs retrieved from the donor among the recipients.

If you’re looking for extra inspiration, read more of our Egg Donor Patient Success Stories:

Megan and Dan

Liz and Geoff

Catherine and Gavin

Schedule an Appointment

Thank you to Sarah for sharing her inspiring story. To learn more about SGF’s Donor Egg Treatment Program, call our New Patient Center at 1-877-971-7755 or complete this brief online form.

For those interested in donating eggs at Shady Grove Fertility, click here or apply today to see if you are eligible to become an egg donor. For questions, call 1-877-DonateEggs. You can also sign up for our complimentary “Become an Egg Donor” Webinar on December 13th, 2018: Register.

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