Recipients we see in our practice often express anguish over how to ask a donor for this most precious and personal gift. They often fear rejection and worry about putting the donor in a situation that she may not feel free to refuse.
What often works best is when the recipient writes the donor a letter, giving her the time and space to consider the option. Some recipients have spoken of giving the donor a ready “out” by saying things like “you don’t even need to respond to this if you do not wish too” or letting the donor know they have back-up options.
For her part, the recipient needs to be prepared that the donor might say no at first – or even later on – after meeting with the counselor. In fact, both parties need to be prepared that using a known donor is a process that needs to be carefully explored.
For any number of reasons, using a known donor may not work out, as many concerns may arise during the psychological screening process.
This is the fourth article in a series of articles entitled “Using a Known Egg Donor.” Read the rest of the articles in this series to learn more about the advantages and concerns of building your family using a known egg donor.
Other articles in this series:
Using a Known Egg Donor: An Introduction
Using a Known Egg Donor: What Makes a Good Donor?
Using a Known Egg Donor: What to Discuss
Using a Known Egg Donor: How to Thank
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C
Kathleen Hirsch, LCSW-C