In our clinical practice, we have seen some known donor situations that seem to work better than others. Both the donor and the recipient couple appear to have less concern about the future welfare of the donor, if the donor has already had children of her own – and even better – if she considers her family to be complete.
If the donor already has children of her own, she understands better what she is giving. Also, if she considers her family to be complete, then the risk – however small – that the process might impact on her future fertility, would not be relevant.
One indication that the process may be successful is if the donor offers to donate without being asked. This can make for a more comfortable, less pressured situation. Another sign that bodes well is if the donor, when asked, gives an extremely positive response. We have heard donors reply with comments such as “I feel honored that you would ask” or “I feel honored that you would ask” or “I feel flattered,” initial indications that the process may work out well.
Some donors have made general offers in the past, once they heard about the couple’s infertility, with statements such as,“If there’s anything I can do to help…” These donors are often relieved to discover that they only have to donate their eggs – and not carry a pregnancy – which may have raised more concerns for them about attachment to the baby.
This is the second in a series of articles entitled “Using a Known Egg Donor.” Read the rest of the articles in this series to learn more about the advantages and concerns of building your family using a known egg donor.
Other articles in this series:
Using a Known Egg Donor: An Introduction
Using a Known Egg Donor: What to Discuss
Using a Known Egg Donor: How to Ask
Using a Known Egg Donor: How to Thank
Contributed by: 
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C
Kathleen Hirsch, LCSW-C