Finally, situations that work well often involve some consideration given to how the recipient will say “thank you” for what she considers to be this most precious gift of all, the opportunity to achieve a much wanted pregnancy. Recipients speak of “not knowing how to thank her…I know I’ll be very grateful.” Our experience indicates that people in general do enjoy and appreciate being thanked. Planning some type of “thank you” also may lessen the tendency toward subtle, though nonetheless on-gong sense of obligation to pay back a debt on the part of the recipient. Some gesture may instead provide some sense of closure in the end may help restore the balance in the relationship.
In summary, building a family using donor egg has proven to be a viable, satisfying option for many. Deciding to use a known donor is a complex problem with long-range implications for the donor, recipient couple and the child. What works well, from one experience, seems to be when time is taken to clarify present and future roles, obligations, and views on such important matters as privacy vs. openness. Recipients appear to feel best when donors offer. However, when the recipient asks, donors often respond positively. Giving the donor the time and space to consider the option is an important part of the process. Finally, planning a thank you ritual can be an equally important part of putting closure on what is an emotionally challenging, but deeply rewarding experience for both donor and recipient.
This is the fifth and final article in a series of articles entitled “Using a Known Egg Donor.” Read the rest of the articles in this series to learn more about the advantages and concerns of building your family using a known egg donor.