Emotional support

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The decision to use a donor egg can be difficult one for couples. Choosing this option inevitably involves grieving over the loss of one’s biological connection to a child. However, the donor egg option enables the recipient to still be able to experience pregnancy, have some control over gestational environment, and have a baby that is genetically related to at least one member of the couple.
A further issue involves deciding whether to use a known or unknown donor. For some couples, the use of a known donor offers many advantages. If the donor is a relative – especially a sister – there can be comfort in using gametes from the same genetic pool. This can help the recipient to feel a stronger biological connection to the baby.
In addition, recipients often feel more in control and less uncertain, as they have more information about the donor than in an anonymous situation. Finally, there may be a shorter waiting time to begin the process, as opposed to the possibility of a lengthy wait for an anonymous donor.
Building a family using a donor egg has proven to be a viable and satisfying option for many. Deciding to use a known donor is a complex process with long-range implications for the donor, recipient couple and the child.
What works well, from our experience, seems to be when time is taken to clarify present and future roles, obligations and views on such important matters as privacy vs. openness. Recipients appear to feel best when donors offer. However, even when the recipient asks, donors, often respond quite positively. Giving the donor the time and space to consider the option is an important part of the process. Finally, planning a thank you ritual can be an equally important part of putting closure on what is an emotionally challenging – but deeply rewarding – experience for both donor and recipient.
This is the first in a series of articles entitled “Using a Known Egg Donor.” Read the rest of the articles in this series to learn more about the advantages and concerns of building your family using a known egg donor.
Other articles in this series:
Using a Known Donor: What Makes a Good Donor?
Using a Known Donor: What to Discuss
Using a Known Donor: How to Ask
Using a Known Donor: How to Thank
Contributed by: 
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C
Kathleen Hirsch, LCSW-C

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Give yourself a medal whether or not you win the Grand Prix. Give yourself credit for your motivation, determination, and tenacity in going through an IVF cycle. You need to find every way possible to nurture and stroke yourself and your relationship.
One of the positive sides of infertility is that most couples improve their marriages and become stronger as a couple. Keep a sense of humor about your experiences. No matter how tough things get, you can always find something funny about it. Laughing together is good for your mental health and the health of your relationship.
Most of all, remember the love and respect you have each other – and that you have tried your best.
This is the ninth and final installment in a series of articles entitled “The IVF Race.” Read the rest of the articles in this series for suggestions in helping you finish the IVF race feeling like a champion, no matter where you place.
Previous articles from this series:
The IVF Race: A Grand Prix
The IVF Race: Maps & Terrains
The IVF Race: The Racing Team
The IVF Race: The Plan
The IVF Race: The Schedule
The IVF Race: Coping
The IVF Race: Goal Markers
The IVF Race: Bumps & Detours
Contributed by: 
Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C
Director, Psychological Support Services

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The most successful Grand Prix drivers prepare for bumps in the road or detours along the route. To finish this IVF race, you should also plan for possible changes and difficult times during your cycle – such as the waiting period after transfer and the day you will get the results. Expect the unexpected, as changes are frequently made in the cycle because of everyone’s unique medical situation. There are possibilities for failure at every step of the cycle, from an unacceptable clinical history to possible pregnancy loss.
The two-week waiting period between transfer and receiving the results of the pregnancy test is often described as the most difficult part of the cycle. You need to plan to keep busy, find ways to pamper yourself, and use your support system for dealing with the feelings. You will also need to consider where you will be when you receive the results (probably not at work) and whether you want to hear the news together.
To allow some time to deal with the results, you may want to consider fibbing to family and friends by saying that you will not be hearing the results until a few days after the results are actually in. Realize that if you are unsuccessful in achieving a pregnancy, you cannot get away from the sadness, loss, and disappointment that are part of the grieving process.
Finally, know that you did everything possible to have a positive outcome, and that a failure in the cycle does not mean that you are a failure.
This is the eighth installment in a series of articles entitled “The IVF Race.” Read the rest of the articles in this series for suggestions in helping you finish the IVF race feeling like a champion, no matter where you place.
Previous articles from this series:
The IVF Race: A Grand Prix
The IVF Race: Maps & Terrains
The IVF Race: The Racing Team
The IVF Race: The Plan
The IVF Race: The Schedule
The IVF Race: Coping
The IVF Race: Goal Markers
Additional articles in this series:
The IVF Race: Credit for Completion
Related Resources
The IVF Race: Credit for Completion

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The IVF Race: Credit for Completion

Contributed by: 
Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C
Director, Psychological Support Services

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Just as a race car driver plans his strategy by goal makers along the raceway, it is important for you to be looking ahead as you prepare for IVF – and to consider your limits as you begin the process. Think about the number of cycles you are willing to be involved in infertility treatment.
Look ahead to the end of the cycle and have a plan about what you will do if you are not successful at this time. Remember, that with each cycle new information is learned and that it helps knowing what you will do next.
Consider exploring other family building options – such as adoption – which will give you some control and provide information for future decision making.
This is the seventh installment in a series of articles entitled “The IVF Race.” Read the rest of the articles in this series for suggestions in helping you finish the IVF race feeling like a champion, no matter where you place.
Previous articles from this series:
The IVF Race: A Grand Prix
The IVF Race: Maps & Terrains
The IVF Race: The Racing Team
The IVF Race: The Plan
The IVF Race: The Schedule
The IVF Race: Coping
Additional articles in this series:
The IVF Race: Bumps & Detours
The IVF Race: Credit for Completion
Contributed by: 
Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C
Director, Psychological Support Services

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Grand Prix drivers know what helps them drive their best during the race. You, too, will need to identify coping mechanisms that will assist you as an individual and as a couple in dealing with the stress of IVF. Know your own and your partner’s styles for dealing with stress – and what has helped you both to cope in the past.
For example, women may need to talk and receive support from others; while men may prefer to be involved in a an activity or hobby to cope. Learning how to accept differences in the way each of you handles and deals with your feelings can reduce conflict.
In addition, consistent exercise is one of the best ways to alleviate feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. Stress management classes – as well as listening to relaxation tapes regularly – can also aide in handling the feelings couples experience during IVF.
This is the sixth installment in a series of articles entitled “The IVF Race.” Read the rest of the articles in this series for suggestions in helping you finish the IVF race feeling like a champion, no matter where you place.
Previous articles from this series:
The IVF Race: A Grand Prix
The IVF Race: Maps & Terrains
The IVF Race: The Racing Team
The IVF Race: The Plan
The IVF Race: The Schedule
Additional articles in this series:
The IVF Race: Goal Markers
The IVF Race: Bumps & Detours
The IVF Race: Credit for Completion
Contributed by: 
Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C
Director, Psychological Support Services

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In preparation for the IVF race, you should clear your calendar. To help eliminate any unnecessary stress, you will want to make your life as simple as possible. This is not a time to make important decisions or changes in your life, such as a move or a job change.
If at all possible, avoid major undertakings at work which can add stress to your life. In addition, you will want to think about how to deal with other daily stresses at home, and with family and friends. Consider asking others to accept extra responsibilities that you usually take care of. Remind yourself that it’s fine to say “no” to new requests for your time or participation.
By eliminating outside stress – and focusing on what is most important – you will feel more in control of your life during the IVF race.
This is the fifth installment in a series of articles entitled “The IVF Race.” Read the rest of the articles in this series for suggestions in helping you finish the IVF race feeling like a champion, no matter where you place.
Previous articles from this series:
The IVF Race: A Grand Prix
The IVF Race: Maps & Terrains
The IVF Race: The Racing Team
The IVF Race: The Plan
Additional articles in this series:
The IVF Race: Coping
The IVF Race: Goal Markers
The IVF Race: Bumps & Detours
The IVF Race: Credit for Completion
Contributed by: 
Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C
Director, Psychological Support Services

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