Emotional support

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December 20, 2022 @ 5:00 pm – 6:30 pm

*For Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, and West Virginia patients only*

It is often difficult for people to understand what a profound loss a miscarriage can be for a woman or couple, especially if you have been trying hard to conceive. To experience the elation of learning you are pregnant, only to feel the despair of discovering you have miscarried, is a multifaceted loss. It is the loss of a baby, a part of yourself, your health, control, innocence, potential, relationships with others, the future, and on and on.

A miscarriage is challenging enough to experience under the best of circumstances, with the most support and understanding. However, during the pandemic it has been much harder due to social isolation and distancing from family, friends as well as medical caregivers. This virtual support group is being offered for those grieving the loss of a very much wanted baby in these stressful times.

The group is FREE for all participants.

Registration is required at least 48 hours before the group event. You must be a current SGF patient and provide the office you go to and your doctors name. An email will be sent to you with a consent form that must be filled before you can attend the virtual group. When you fill out the consent and return it to the group leader via email, you will then receive an invitation with a link to Ring Central video meeting. Please note that the group may be canceled if there are too few people registered. The group leader will contact you by phone or email if the group will not be held as scheduled.

For more information or to sign up, please email Mia Joelsson.

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Stress can come from just about anything that you feel is threatening or harmful. A single event (or your worry about it) can produce stress. So can the little things that worry you all day long.

Acute stress, caused by a single event (or your fear of it), makes your heart beat faster and your blood pressure go up. You breathe harder, your hands get sweaty, and your skin feels cool and
clammy. Chronic stress, which is when you are always stressed, can cause depression and changes in your sleep habits. It can also decrease your chances of fighting off common illnesses. Stress makes many body organs work harder than normal and increases the production of some important chemicals in your body, including hormones.

Is stress causing my infertility?

Probably not. Even though infertility is very stressful, there isn’t any proof that stress causes infertility. In an occasional woman, having too much stress can change her hormone levels and therefore cause the time when she releases an egg to become delayed or not take place at all.

Is infertility causing my stress?

Maybe. Many women who are being treated for infertility have as much stress as women who have cancer or heart disease. Infertile couples experience stress each month: first they hope
that the woman is pregnant; and if she is not, the couple has to deal with their disappointment.

Why is infertility stressful?

Most couples are used to planning their lives. They may believe that if they work hard at something, they can achieve it. So when it’s hard to get pregnant, they feel as if they don’t have control of their bodies or of their goal of becoming parents. With infertility, no matter how hard you work, it may not be possible to have a baby. Infertility tests and treatments can be physically, emotionally, and financially stressful. Infertility can cause a couple to grow apart, which increases stress levels. Couples may have many doctor appointments for infertility treatment, which can cause them to miss work or other activities.

What can I do to reduce my stress?

  • Talk to your partner.
  • Realize you’re not alone. Talk to other people who have infertility, through individual or couple counseling, or support groups.
  • Read books on infertility, which will show you that your feelings are normal and can help you deal with them.
  • Learn stress reduction techniques such as meditation, yoga, or acupuncture.
  • Avoid taking too much caffeine or other stimulants.
  • Exercise regularly to release physical and emotional tension.
  • Have a medical treatment plan with which both you and your partner are comfortable.
  • Learn as much as you can about the cause of your infertility and the treatment options available.
  • Find out as much as you can about your insurance coverage and make financial plans regarding your fertility treatments.

Who can help us?

Shady Grove Fertility
We offer patients a wide range of support services, including: support groups, online communities, and resourceful articles.

RESOLVE 
This national support organization for couples with infertility offers support groups and online resources.

Path 2 Parenthood
Formerly the American Fertility Association, Path 2 Parenthood provides support information and weekly internet chat sessions.

Patient Fact Sheet – Stress & Infertility. Courtesy of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.

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We understand that what you’re going through can be stressful and scary. You likely have many unanswered questions and you may feel a sense of being out of your control. We’re here to help. One of the things that couples who have gone before you have said is most helpful is to become educated and connected. At Shady Grove Fertility, we have a multitude of resources designed to offer you hope and solutions for healthy coping.

Consider the following coping strategies:

Acknowledge the potential impact infertility can have on your emotions.

It’s quite common for infertility to evoke feelings of anxiety, which can include overwhelming stress, fear, dizziness, heart palpitations, constant worrying, feeling out of control, chest pain, and difficulty functioning, to name a few.

Acknowledge that infertility can affect your relationships.

There is no doubt that infertility can take a tremendous toll on you emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially. Disappointment and doubt can leave you feeling discouraged, even depressed. Infertility can put a strain on everything, not just your pursuit to conceive, so it’s important to reach out for professional help.

Take time to educate yourself.

Take the time to educate yourself about your options. Be proactive and write down your questions in advance of your appointments with your physician in order to make the most of your time with him or her. Speak up and don’t be afraid to ask what you don’t know or don’t understand. Your physician and entire healthcare team is on your side to ease your concerns and address your questions.

Take time to take care of yourself.

In the midst of this crisis, it’s critical that you take time for yourself, sleep well, eat well, and get the appropriate amount of physical activity. Find ways to de-stress, even indulge, whether that means taking an art class, going on a walk, meeting friends for an outing, or buying a new pair of shoes.

Don’t avoid the difficult conversations.

Be mindful of the importance of communication, even when the conversation topic is difficult. Health communication is open, honest, and feels safe. It’s not blaming or hurtful. Lean on your partner for support and refuge. Also, before you embark, agree to set limits. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page regarding limits and expectations. It can be incredibly disappointing to find out down the road that you two are not on the same page. Be proactive.

Find a balance that works for you.

Talk with your physician about what’s realistic vs optimistic regarding your personal situation and plan accordingly.

Don’t be afraid to place limits.

It’s ok to turn down the third baby shower invitation this month alone. And it’s ok to respectfully decline the girls’ outing if everyone attending except you will be bringing their newborns. However, know the signs of isolation and how to overcome. Be sure to make connections with other women and couples who are going through what you’re going through and learn to lean on one another for support.

Know the warning signs of depression and act on them if they surface.

If you are experiencing any of the following signs of depression, it’s important to seek help right away:

  • Changes in appetite
  • Changes in sleeping patterns
  • Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
  • Difficulty thinking about anything other than infertility or loss
  • Helplessness
  • Thoughts of death, dying, or suicide
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Feelings of isolation and loneliness

Take advantage of the resources available to you.

Caring for your emotional well-being is as important to us as treating your infertility and we understand that each person and couple’s experience and needs are different. That is why we have several, varied support resources integrated into the fertility program at Shady Grove Fertility. Our patients, both male and female, have found professional individual or couples’ counseling and attending our free support groups available throughout the region to be particularly helpful:

  • Following a pregnancy loss
  • Following a treatment cycle(s) that was unsuccessful
  • When considering third-party reproduction, such as using donor eggs, donor sperm, and/or a gestational carrier
  • When considering transitioning from one treatment to another or when considering discontinuing treatment altogether
  • When financial, emotional, physical, or relationship obstacles seem to be insurmountable
  • At the start of any feelings of isolation or depression
  • If the coping strategies they once found to be helpful no longer seem to be working

Our goal at Shady Grove Fertility is to provide resources and support to reduce the stress associated with the infertility journey from a medical, emotional, and financial perspective. We encourage you to establish support networks by tapping into our resources or finding other avenues that work best for you. Seeking (and accepting) support is like weaving a safety net for yourself; the more connections or stands of support you have the stronger your net becomes. A strong support network lifts us up when we get low and provides the strength we need to keep moving forward in the direction of our dreams.

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Finally, seek the help of a mental health professional familiar with reproductive health problems as you go through infertility can be useful whether you are in the beginning phase of testing and treatment or whether you have been at it for a long time. Meeting with a counselor in the early stages of infertility treatment can help prepare you for what may lie further down the road, and help you to know what feelings are normal and expected as you go through the process. If you have been going through infertility treatment for a long time, counseling can help you take stock of where you are, reassess your goals, and help you to set a reasonable time frame for continuing treatment versus pursuing other options like adoption. Counseling can also help to focus and restore some of your feelings for each other as a couple – something that often gets lost in the intense pursuit for a baby.
In sum, if you are feeling depleted by the process of going through infertility, counseling may offer you the support you need to feel energized enough to continue. It is important to realize that you need not be at the breaking point to feel that you should turn to counseling for support. Even if you are coping well, it can help you to clarify your goals and set reasonable expectations and limitations. Having a regular place to “leave” your emotional burdens can also help free you up to enjoy life more fully and spend less time obsessing about infertility.
Last, but not least, joining a RESOLVE support group or one through your clinic can help ease the isolation of infertility by connecting with others who truly understand and share your feelings.
In general, I see going through infertility as a time to think about your own needs and to take care of yourself. Turning to others for support, whether it be friends, family, your spouse, or professionals, can help you feel less burdened, less isolated, and better able to cope with what lies ahead. You have the right to decide what kind of support can help you most. Learning to ask for it in some of the ways discussed above can help you make use of support without leaving you feeling vulnerable and out of control.
The following articles provide guidelines that you can use in turning to others for emotional support in a way that can leave you feeling back in control:
Importance of Seeking Psychological Support
Talking to Friends and Family
Talking to Your Spouse
Contributed by: 
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C

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Sharon Covington, MSW, LCSW-C

For men, infertility is often a private heartache. So much of the medical experience focuses on a woman and her body, yet a man is 50 percent of the equation. It can be easy for a man to take on a secondary role during infertility, in the background supporting their spouse through the experience. It can also be hard for men to find a way to share what is going on in their heart as they struggle with infertility, especially if it is male factor. Most men will not be talking about it with their buddies in the locker room or over a game of golf. Thus, through the process, a man’s needs and emotions can easily be forgotten or overlooked. Supporting your male partner through infertility is just as important as him finding ways to support you.

Traditionally, men feel and deal with their emotions differently than women. Women will use conversation as means of weaving the fabric of a relationship, while men are interested looking at the end result—cutting  the cloth and making the product. Thus, when an issue is presented, men are often solution focused, searching in a “tool bag” for how to solve a problem.  So while a woman may need to talk to work through her feelings and feel better, her partner may not.

Male Factor Infertility

Another layer is added when infertility is identified as “male factor.”  Men will often struggle with a great deal of guilt, shame, and private anguish, not only for how it makes them feel about themselves (i.e., less of a man, impotent, etc.) but also, what they feel they are putting their wife through (i.e., infertility treatment, sadness, other’s thinking she is “the problem,” etc.) as a consequence. Men may have difficulty acknowledging these painful, shameful feelings, which can be hard for both partners to live with.

A friend once said that asking her husband to talk about a problem or feeling was like asking him to chew ground glass.  She learned quickly that when she saw her husband struggling, she needed to help him in a way that suited him, not her.  While men may have differences in the way they deal with their feelings, they still have feelings, and finding creative ways to support your husband through infertility is important.

Click to watch SGF Reproductive Urologist, Paul Shin, M.D., answer questions about male factor infertility causes and treatments.

Tips for Supporting Your Male Partner through Infertility

Go out and do something.
While talking may help you, doing something physically active may help him.  Arrange an outing with friends, encourage him to go hit some golf or tennis balls, or send him to a happy hour with his buddies.

Figure out what soothes him.
Observe his behaviors when he is distressed and try to help him identify what mellows him.

Take him on a date.
Plan an activity or outing that you know he will love and make it happen without telling him what you are planning.

Go as a couple to one of our support groups.
While men seldom will seek out a support group on their own, many are willing to join their wife or partner in attending a meeting. These groups are a very normalizing experience to the feelings and experiences of infertility, and often help men greatly.

To watch our On-Demand Webinar on Male Fertility, click here. During this free on-demand event, viewers will learn about the simple tests used to evaluate male fertility, common causes of male factor infertility, lifestyle changes that can improve a man’s fertility, effective treatment options and treatment success rates.

Schedule A New Patient Consult

For more information about SGF’s psychological support services, supporting your male partner through infertility, or to schedule an appointment, please contact our New Patient Center at 1-877-971-7755 or fill out this brief form.

About the Author:
Sharon Covington, MSW, LCSW-C, Director of Psychological Support Services at Shady Grove Fertility is a licensed clinical social worker in Maryland and a Board Certified Diplomate in Clinical Social Work with over 40 years of experience as a psychotherapist. An internationally recognized leader on the psychological aspects of reproductive health, Mrs. Covington is an Assistant Clinical Professor at Georgetown University School of Medicine, Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, and Associate Investigator in the Intramural Research Program on Reproductive and Adult Endocrinology at the National Institutes of Health. She recently edited and authored Fertility Counseling: Clinical guide and Case Studies, and is the co-author and editor of the classic text Infertility Counseling: A Comprehensive handbook of Clinicians.

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Going through infertility may be the first major life crisis that a couple faces together, and it may be the time when you need each other most. Yet sometimes couples withdraw from each other at a time when they most need support because of problems communicating. Recognizing that you and your spouse need not (and probably cannot) be in the same place emotionally at the same time, or express or cope with your feelings in the same way. In general, women may feel the need to talk more and connect with others, while men may throw themselves into their work with greater intensity. However, just because you cope in different ways does not mean that you can not derive emotional support from each other.
Merle Bombardieri, M.S.W., suggests a technique for couples’ communication called the “Twenty-minute Rule.” If you find you’re needing to talk about infertility a lot of the time, but your spouse gets overwhelmed by this and shuts down, Bombardieri suggests limiting the talk to 20 minutes per day. This way you know you have your spouses undivided attention for that time and he/she knows at the end of it you’ll stop. Knowing that you have a fixed time each day may help free up your energy and thoughts for other things and yet help you feel connected to your spouse emotionally. It’s hard enough feeling isolated at times from the rest of the fertile world, but it can be extremely painful to feel alienated from your spouse when you perhaps need that person the most.
The following articles provide guidelines that you can use in turning to others for emotional support in a way that can leave you feeling back in control:
Importance of Seeking Psychological Support
Talking to Friends and Family
Getting Counseling
Contributed by: 
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C

2026 Shady Grove Fertility

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