Emotional support

by

Infertility is an experience that strikes at the very core of one’s life. Reproduction is considered the most basic of human needs, propelled by powerful biological and psychological drives. When the ability to reproduce is thwarted, a crisis ensues and impacts relationships with others, life goals, social roles, and sense of self. A host of emotions emerge in a somewhat predictable and repetitive process as one moves through medical diagnosis and treatment. Feelings of disbelief, anger, sadness, guilt, blame, anxiety and depression can be overwhelming and finding appropriate avenues to express these emotions is important.
For most people, IVF is not the first course of treatment for their infertility-it is the last, best option for having a child. It occurs after long months and sometimes years of treatment failure, often at tremendous emotional, physical and financial cost. Couples beginning IVF usually do so with the burden of grief and disappointment from infertility, and may feel depressed, angry, tired, and anxious. Although emotionally depleted, couples are attracted to a technology that offers hope where none may have existed. They find themselves drawn into new emotional turbulence of contrasting feelings of hope and despair, which seems to be generated in part by the experience of the technology itself.
The opportunities that IVF creates brings with it significant challenges. IVF is considered by patients to be the most stressful of all infertility treatments. Patients have rated the stress of undergoing IVF as more stressful than or almost as stressful as any other major life event, such as a death of a family member and separation and divorce. While general assumptions may be made about stress levels during IVF, the experience for infertility patients will be personal and unique-each patient will experience the stress differently based upon his or her own personality and life experiences.

The multifaceted aspects of ivf

The aspects of IVF that are perceived stressful to patients are multifaceted and affect all parts of their life: marital, social, physical, emotional, financial, and religious. Time is stressful, both in the time commitment to an intense treatment which leads to disruption in family, work, and social activities, and for some, in long waiting periods for treatment services. IVF stress impacts the marital relationship with an emotionally laden experience and, by removing the conjugal act of procreation, sexual intimacy is lost. Couples, also, are stretched financially paying for the high cost of IVF treatment with a relatively low probability of success. Dealing with the medical staff and with the side effects or potential complications of medical treatment has its own stress: hot flashes, headaches, mood fluctuations, shots, sonograms, future health concerns, and decision making about embryos and multiple pregnancies. Religious, social, and moral issues may also make IVF stressful, especially for those dealing with third party reproduction, when these values are in conflict with the choice of treatment.
The first treatment cycle has been found to be the most stressful for patients, with high levels of confusion, bewilderment, and anxiety. This may be due to inexperience with the process or possibly inadequate preparation of the patient by staff in terms of information and discussion of care. While experience seems to help the stress level in the next cycle, if it is unsuccessful the stress level rises again with the third cycle as the “stakes” have been raised. For many couples, IVF can feel like gambling where the stakes are high and the chance of success unknown. Like gamblers, some IVF patients may have unrealistically high expectations of success or feel compelled to try “just one more time” finding it difficult to end treatment after having already invested so much physically, emotionally, and financially to have a child.
Join a support group
Within a treatment cycle, patients view IVF as a series of stages which must be successfully completed before moving onto the next phase of treatment: monitoring, oocyte retrieval, fertilization, embryo transfer, waiting period, and pregnancy test stages. The level of stress, anxiety, and anticipation raises with each stage, peaking during the waiting period. Research has shown that in order of perceived stress for patients, waiting to hear the outcome of the embryo transfer is the most stressful, followed by waiting to hear whether fertilization had occurred, and then the egg retrieval stage. Patients are aware of the importance of these key phases in the IVF process and the uncertainty of the outcome is highly distressing.
Despite the stressful consequences of infertility and IVF, it is important to note that research has shown that the vast majority of patients are well adjusted. Further, there seems to be no long-term impact on the marital relationship and individual functioning. In fact, some research has shown that the crisis of infertility may actually improve marital communication and emotional intimacy. Couples may learn coping skills and communication patterns that provide life-long benefit.

Tips for preparing for ivf

IVF has the potential to be an emotionally, physically, and financially exhausting experience due to the “high stakes” and “end of the line” nature of this treatment. Thus, patients need to consider thoughtful preparation before beginning the process. If you are a patient about to begin a cycle, here are some tips to help get ready for IVF:

Gather information and plan ahead

Good decision-making involves being well educated and informed about your body, the IVF process, and your clinic/treatment program. IVF is an anxiety-producing experience, and one of the best antidotes for anxiety is information and knowledge. The more you know and understand about the process, the less stress you may feel. Look for articles and other reading materials about IVF. If your practice runs educational IVF classes, attend as a couple and talk to others who have been through IVF.

Prepare for decision-making

It is important to anticipate decisions that may occur during IVF and discuss your options ahead of time. Sometimes these decisions may have moral and religious implications which you will need to consider and discuss. You will need to decide how many embryos will be transferred while maximizing your chances for pregnancy and minimizing the possibility of multiple babies. You will also need to decide what you will do with extra eggs and/or embryos, i.e. freeze, dispose, or donate them. If there is a possibility that donor gametes (sperm or egg) will be used in the cycle, it is important that you carefully discuss the issues involved in raising a donor-conceived child before starting the cycle. Counseling can assist you in exploring these issues and is a recommended treatment guideline of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.

Tend to your psyche and your relationships

A long struggle with infertility may have taken a toll on how you are feeling about yourself, your marital relationship, and/or your relationship with others, causing distress and isolation. You will want to be in a good place emotionally and have your relationship on solid ground before starting an IVF cycle. Facilitate communication with your partner by setting a limited amount of time to talk about IVF, possibly 20 minutes every day, and then putting infertility talk aside. Discuss ahead of time your hopes and expectations of each-for example, whether you want to be together at appointments, on the day of the pregnancy test, and when you are expecting a call from the doctor. Counseling can be very helpful when you and/or your partner are feeling depressed, very anxious, emotionally stuck or in a rut. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so get help early before problems get too big.

Garner your supports

Friends and family can be your best support or they can be your worst. Decide in advance who you will tell about the procedure by identifying who will give you the support you need. In hindsight, patients often wish that they had not told so many people at the start as it sometimes adds to the pressure. It can be helpful to designate a friend/family member as a “spokesperson” who will let others know, when you are ready, what is going on. In addition, look outside your usual support network to those who truly understand-other infertility patients. If it is available in your medical practice, consider joining an IVF support group, or check out other infertility self-help organizations, such as Resolve. The internet is, also, a ready source of infertility support and information, through various websites and “chat rooms”. A great deal of healing can come from others who understand.

Identify your stresses and your coping mechanisms

Each person experiences stress in different ways so it is helpful to identify where yours may come from. For some, it may be in just getting to the clinic in the morning for monitoring, for others it may be injections. Anticipating ahead where your stresses may come from will help in developing coping strategies. Know your own and your partner’s styles for dealing with stress and what has helped in the past. For example, women may need to talk and receive support, while men may prefer to be involved in an activity or hobby to cope. Learning to accept differences in the way each of you handles and deals with your feelings can reduce conflict. In addition, exercise is one of the best ways to alleviate feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression although it may have to be adjusted during the treatment cycle. Humor is a great coping mechanism and can help you get through difficult times. No matter how tough things get, you can always find something funny about it and laughing about it is good for your health. Stress management classes, listening to relaxation tapes and other mind/body techniques used regularly can help in handling these feelings and dealing with treatment procedures.

Decide what you have control over and what you don’t

To help eliminate any unnecessary stress, you will want to make you life as simple as possible during the cycle. This is not a time to make important decisions or changes in your life, such as a move or job change. If at all possible, avoid major undertakings at work that can add stress to your life. In addition, you will want to think about how to deal with other daily life challenges on the job, at home, and with family and friends. You do have control over the choices you make in your daily life while how the treatment course progresses is usually out of your hands.

Anticipate problem areas

Plan for possible changes and difficult times during your cycle, such as the waiting period after transfer and the day you will get the results. Expect the unexpected, as changes are frequently made in the cycle because of everyone’s unique medical situation. There are possibilities for failure at every step of the cycle, from a poor response to medication to no fertilization after retrieval.
The two-week waiting period between transfer and receiving the pregnancy test results is often described as the most difficult part of the cycle. Having had daily contact with your medical support staff during monitoring and retrieval, you suddenly are on your own after transfer and just have to wait. You need to think about how to fill your time during these two weeks, and then consider where you will be when you receive the results (probably not at work) and whether you want to be together to hear the news. To allow some time to deal with what you learn, you may want to consider “fibbing” to family and friends by telling them the results are due a few days later than reality. This will give you breathing space and time to adjust to the news before dealing with others.

Look past this cycle at the beginning

It is important to be looking ahead as you prepare for IVF and to consider your limits as you begin the process. It is easy to know how you will feel if treatment is successful and you become pregnant. However, you must also understand that if you are unsuccessful in achieving a pregnancy, you cannot get away from the sadness, loss, and disappointment that are part of the grieving process. Think about the number of cycles you are willing or able to do, and how much more time and money will be involved in infertility treatment, knowing that you can always reassess later. Remember that with each cycle new information is learned and that it helps knowing what to do next. Consider exploring other family building options, such as adoption, which will give you some control and provide information for future decision-making. No matter what the outcome of IVF, you need to recognize you have succeeded in doing all that is within your power to have a child and can feel good about yourself. Having done so minimizes future regrets.
Let’s get started together. Call us today to discover what’s possible, 1.888.761.1967 or schedule an appointment online.
Contributed by: 
Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C
Director, Psychological Support Services

by

Infertility is an experience that strikes at the very core of who we are—our sense of self, connection to others, values, roles, goals and dreams. The ability to procreate and regenerate is considered one of the most basic of all human drives, as well as the core need to bear and raise children. This drive propels people on a quest for fertility and family, yet is a journey that few people are trained to take or are prepared for what to expect.
When the ability to reproduce is thwarted, a crisis ensues and impacts all aspects a couple’s life: relationships with others, sense of health, continuity of life, self-esteem, spirituality, and on and on. As in any crisis, there is an opportunity for emotional growth or the danger of increased vulnerability to distress. The crisis, also precipitates a multifaceted sense of loss, which is unique to each person and, yet, universal to the nature of infertility. The losses may include both real and symbolic things, from professional opportunities that are put on hold or turned down, to time passing by waiting for the dream-child. Infertile couples often talk of the loss of control over their lives, body, and future. For many people who are use to setting goals in their lives, working on and achieving them, it is this loss of control over what is so basic that is so distressing.
The losses of infertility, in turn, create powerful emotions. Feelings of disbelief, anger, sadness, guilt, blame, anxiety, and depression occur in a somewhat predictable and repetitive occurrence. Couples are often surprised to learn that the bailiwick of feelings they are experiencing is an identifiable process called grief. These feelings can be like an unremitting roller-coaster ride of emotions that go up and down and all around, without an end in sight. The ability to grieve the losses of infertility is challenged due to the chronic nature of the experience. It is also made more difficult because it is a profound loss that is invisible to others and, in fact, feels like a gaping wound or hole that cannot be seen, or often understood, by the fertile world. The consequence is that couples often end up experiencing intense emotions in isolation.
Many people spend much of their life trying not to get pregnant so when they are ready to start a family, they usually don’t anticipate having a problem. The longer time goes on without a baby, the more difficult the journey becomes. Repeated monthly cycles of hope, anticipation, and then sadness often create a looming sense of despair as couples wonder not when but if they will ever become parents. Both the dream and the drive can be shattered the longer time goes on.
When the quest of a child turns from the bedroom to the doctor’s office new challenges occur. What was previously very private and personal–your sex life and your body–suddenly becomes of intense interest to perfect (though well-intentioned and trained) strangers. You rely on these strangers to guide and assist you with the most important journey of you life. For most people, it is like being transported to a new world or country where you don’t know the language; the terrain is unfamiliar; you are exposed to unknown rituals and remedies; it is costing your dearly for the experience; and you have no guarantee you will ever reach your destination. No wonder infertility is stressful!
And then comes up the question (often by family members or friends), is stress causing you to not get pregnant? So, now you are wondering if you are doing this to yourself and, if you could just relax and control your feelings, would it suddenly happen? The opportunity for guilt and blame is endless. Thus it is important to state that while there is no doubt the experience of infertility is inherently stressful, there is no conclusive evidence that it is caused by stress.
Understanding that infertility is a life crisis with multiple losses and which precipitate a chronic grief reaction that it is inherently stressful, are the beginning steps in knowing how to cope with this experience. The following are other tips I have learned from my years of working with individuals and couples struggling with impaired fertility. Consider these pointers as “tools of the trade” as you work through your infertility.
Approach infertility as a couple problem. No matter who may be identified as causing the problem, infertility is shared by both of you and is best addressed as a couple.
Become educated on the medical and emotional components of infertility. There is power in knowledge and becoming educated on all aspects of infertility helps with a sense of powerlessness often expressed by patients. Consider yourself as a part of the treatment team, with a responsibility to be well informed, and not just “the patient.”
Identify and utilize support as individuals and as a couple. Finding support and opportunities to talk about the experience with others who understand, is one of the most important things you can do to get through infertility. This needs to be as an individual, as well as within your relationship. Sometimes, couples rely on each other as their sole means of emotional support, and quickly become frustrated and depleted. You cannot provide all that is needed emotionally for your partner, let alone yourself. Thus, support groups and organizations, such as RESOLVE provide a wonderful resource for information and support for both of you.
Find ways to manage stress in your life. Remember that infertility is inherently stressful and it is important to find ways to deal with it. Learning mind-body techniques, such as mediation, breathing, yoga, and cognitive restructuring, or better yet, joining an infertility mind-body support group can teach you skills and give you friendships that you will have for life. Exercise, eating right, getting enough rest, and planning fun time are all aspects of managing stress as well as putting balance in your life.
Recognize what you do have control over in your life and what you don’t. Part of managing stress is understanding what you have control over and what you don’t. You may have control over what job assignments you take on at work, but don’t have control over what happens during a treatment cycle. You do have control over the way you manage a cycle (taking shots, being monitored, etc.) but don’t have control over how many follicles you produce or even becoming pregnant. Recognizing the difference helps.
Realize that infertility is not experienced in a vacuum. Other life events are occurring on a daily basis that require your energy and attention, and may add to your stress. Sick relatives, job demands, a promotion, a move, and even world events such as Sept. 11th, impact your life and all the things you are feeling. These issues add to your struggles and, as well, have the opportunity to bring you joy. Remember that infertility is just one part of your life and it is important that it not become your whole life.
Periodically reexamine your goals. When you begin the journey to have a family, it is difficult to anticipate how you will feel or how far you will go in this quest. Feelings change over time and it is useful to occasionally sit down as a couple and reevaluate where you are in the process. Ask questions such as to what other treatments are we willing to consider; how much longer are we willing to go; and/or are we ready to consider other options? It is interesting to note studies have found that the top reason people stop infertility treatment is not that they run out of money, but that they run out of emotional energy.
Explore family building options while in treatment. Learning more about alternative means of building a family, such as adoption or donor gametes, helps to empower you. Some people feel that they have to fail at all forms of medical treatment before looking into alternatives, which exacerbates feelings that these are “second best” rather than “second choice” options. Exploring these options does not mean that you are actively pursuing them (undergoing a home-study, etc.) but rather learning more about ways to build a family. Grieving must be done before any alternative can be fully embraced as your way to a have a child.
Consider counseling as a resource and support. Many people think of counseling as something you do if you are having big problems. However, the emerging area of infertility counseling provides a forum for decision-making, coping/skills building, information gathering, and emotional healing. Thus, think about it as a resource to help you learn and grown, and the counselor as one of your guides. To find a mental health professional trained in infertility, ask your physician for names, go to Resolve, or to the website of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine to search for counselors in your area.
While infertility is a journey that you probably did not intend to go on, it is also, a learning experience that will teach you skills for other unexpected events in your life. And, if you goal at the end is to have a child, I believe you will…it just may not be as you had thought or planned at the beginning of your journey, but nonetheless s/he will be every bit your child in the end.
Contributed by: 
Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C
Director, Psychological Support Services

by

Most couples enter the path towards parenthood expecting that it will occur without too much problem. After all, they spend most of their lives trying not to get pregnant and assume that when they consciously start trying, pregnancy will soon be achieved. As the months or even years go by without a baby, and efforts to achieve pregnancy are increased—from intrusive testing to high technology treatments—the path turns into the emotional roller-coaster of infertility.
Infertility can be a real test of a couple’s relationship and shake the foundation of a marriage. It can make a solid relationship stronger and weaken the core of a troubled one. Because infertility is a crisis, it is out of the realm of experience of most couples and thus challenges them to develop new strategies and coping mechanisms to deal with this life crisis. The good news is research has shown that, for most infertile couples, the experience strengthens their marriage by teaching them life-long skills to deal with problems. Since infertility is one of many challenges couples may face in their life together, the skills learned can be adapted to use at other difficult times.
Relationships, like anything you want to grow and thrive, have to be tended to flourish. They are like a garden that must be carefully planted and then receive adequate amounts of nutrients such as sun, water, fertilizer, and cultivation to blossom. If the garden is neglected too long or receives too much of these nutrients, the plants will wither and die. Relationships are also like a bank account—you can’t continue to make withdrawals without depositing something back or you will end up overdrawn. Infertility can be like a “withdrawal,” draining intimacy from your marriage and depleting your emotional resources. It can cause you to neglect your relationship, focusing all energy on the baby quest. In effect, infertility can create a life of its own in a marriage, causing you to lose sight of what brought you together in the first place and what is necessary for a healthy family to grow in the future.
For a marriage to survive the crisis of infertility, couples have to learn to continue to make “deposits” and “tend the garden.” Understanding the ways in which the stress of infertility can strain a relationship, couples must make special efforts to put positive energy into a marriage during this time. If you are an infertile couple, there are steps you can take to enhance your relationship so that it grows and thrives. The following are some suggestions to help you along the way:
Work as a team. No matter who is identified as “the patient,” infertility is a couple problem. Always approach the issues as a team, working together and finding ways to share responsibility regarding treatment. Avoid finger-pointing as nobody ever wins the blame game.
Plan playtime. Since dealing with infertility can feel like a full-time job, it is important to “take time off” by consciously make time for each other. Have regular dates where you can have fun and take a break from infertility. Vacations are also playtime, and having things to look forward that are under your control is positive. Look for ways to put nurturing energies in the relationship, making your partner a priority.
Separate baby-making from love-making. Infertility often puts strain on a couple’s sexual relationship and what was once fun has now become a tedious job. You may want to designate different rooms in your house for your intimate work versus play. Remember the ways you enjoyed sex early in your relationship and find ways to recreate it. Plan romantic encounters at non-fertile times, such as a bubble bath together or giving a massage. Understand that sexual intimacy does not have to mean intercourse and use your imagination to plan recreational sex.
Build a support system. Couples often have an unconscious expectation that their spouse will be able to take care of all their emotional needs. This is a daunting task during infertility and an impossibility for any relationship. Infertility can be an isolating experience and put undue pressure on a partner for providing all emotional support. Support from others can strengthen relationships, especially during times of stress. Encourage friendships for yourself, your spouse, and as a couple. Work towards balance in your support network by having friends both in and out of the infertility world.
Identify individual coping styles under stress. Know your own and your partner’s styles for dealing with stress. Learning how to accept differences in the way each of you handles and deals with your feelings can lessen conflicts. Like many things in life, men and women will feel and deal differently with infertility. However, different doesn’t mean better or worse; it only means not the same.
Allow breathing room in your relationship. Realize that marriages are fluid and in a constant state of change due to the many external and internal factors in your life, including infertility. During times of stress, try to give each other some space and distance to allow for transition. Understand that couples are seldom at the same place, at the same time, when at treatment crossroads.
Communicate the positives. Often we neglect to communicate our positive feelings to our partner, and all he or she may hear are negatives. Changes in behavior come more from positive reinforcement than from negative. Also, infertility may consume your life and engulf all your conversations. It may be necessary to put limits on the time you talk about infertility to designated periods, such as 20 minutes in the evening, so that it does not overtake all your communication.
Keep a sense of humor. No matter how tough things get, being able to find something humorous about the situation helps to relieve the tension. Laughing together is good for the health of your relationship.
Seek help before problems get too big. Infertility can put terrible strains on relationships and couples need to consider counseling as a resource of support and information to deal with problems. If you find that you are at an impasse or your usual coping strategies aren’t working in the relationship, counseling may help. Don’t wait until things get critical. Ask your doctor or visit the American Society of Reproductive Medicine website for a listing of mental health professionals specializing in infertility.
Contributed by: 
Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C
Director, Psychological Support Services

by

This is an unprecedented time of profound exponential change, a medical and economic pandemic with an enormous emotional toll. For those who have been struggling to have a family, the fact that treatment has been put on hold and delayed due to COVID19 exacerbates all the normal feelings of distress related to infertility. Anxiety, anger, sadness, fear, lack of control, and uncertainty are all aspects of grief one feels from the losses associated with both the consequences of infertility and COVID. Further, being able to deal with these feelings are made all the more difficult by our lack of normal supports and imposed social isolation made necessary for COVID.
The SGF Psychological Support Team has some suggestions to help in coping during this uncertain time:
  • Create structure in your daily life to help create some normalcy. Keep a schedule for work, exercise, downtime and socializing—all virtually. Continuity is very important in daily life during this time of social isolation, but be sure to disengage from tech devices at least one hour before going to bed. 
  • Limit your exposure to daily newscasts and social media, which can add to anxiety, to thirty minutes a day.
  • When seeking information to deal with anxiety and uncertainty, choose sources you can trust:
  • Access good information on resources and coping:
  • Utilize apps for stress management, meditation, and sleep help, many of which are being offered for free during this crisis:
  • Seek out help and support as needed using virtual connections.
We want you to know we are here to help and that you are not alone during this time. Hope is essential in facing both infertility and this pandemic. We will get through this and we will do it together.
Contributed by: 
SGF Psychological Support Services Team

by

Wishing for something or someone absent from your life is always a feeling that’s hard to accept. As the holidays approach, the longing may become more intense making it an especially difficult time for individuals and couples who yearn for a baby and struggle with infertility. The holidays—leading to the New Year—are seen as a marker of time, a measure of what we’ve achieved over the past year, and a time to reassess goals and dreams both internal and external.

The feeling of sadness that can come with infertility can feel bad enough without the forced merriment of the holidays. Anticipating this time can become overwhelming both emotionally and physically—even more so if you are already feeling worn down from treatment.

With each gathering attended, it’s easy to feel lost and let extreme pessimism quickly set in, leading to anger, sadness, disappointment, and, of course, envy toward those who are about to have or already have a baby or multiple children. Although quite normal, these feelings may be unbearable. You may wish for invisibility because you just can’t imagine how you’ll make it to January.

Coping with Infertility This Holiday Season
So, what can you do to better cope with infertility and the holidays?
Take control…

Taking control  does not mean you become controlling, it means that you will be the director of your activities, such as:

  1. Choose carefully the open houses and gatherings you will attend and then plan, plan, plan. For example, have a sign with your partner, spouse, or trusted friend, letting him or her know if you are in need of a time out or to be rescued from a conversation.
  2. Arrange your own transportation, allowing yourself to leave events after a short time if necessary. Depending on someone else may keep you there longer than you want to be.
  3. Plan what you may say if you are asked specific questions about having children; remember it’s your information, not every question asked requires an answer.
  4. If you find yourself becoming emotional during a gathering, try to step away—go outside, to the restroom, or to another room. If others notice, it’s ok.
  5. Traditions are wonderful, but it’s fine to depart from them when necessary. Saying no to a gathering that you’ve attended for a decade does not mean that you will never go again. If people ask questions you can say, “I can’t make it this year. I hope to come next year.” Or tell your aunt that it’s just too hard to see your cousin with her newborn when you’ve been trying so hard. Or just say whatever feels most comfortable. The decision is yours, while at the same time reactions of others belong to them and need not impact you.
  6. Plan how you will spend your time. You may want to be the one to cover the office, then reward yourself with a week off when everyone else is back to work.
  7. Do something you never have time to do.
  8. Go to a non-holiday-related event in a part of town where the parking is usually difficult. Plan to avoid the mall.
  9. Perhaps it’s the year to make donations in honor of those to whom you usually give gifts.
  10. Take care of yourself. Eating well and sleeping enough are obvious ways.
  11. Indulge in a enjoyable non-holiday-related activity that’s different, such as an activity you’ve been away from but you still enjoy.
  12. You can also join a support group or speak to a professional who understands the unique nature of your sadness.
  13. Most importantly, allow yourself to have your thoughts and feelings, they are part of you. Try to judge them less and embrace them more. If you believe that the holidays are about being generous and kind, then why not extend generosity and kindness to yourself?

If you would like to find more support for coping with infertility this holiday season or would like to learn more about our individual or couple’s psychological support services offered through Shady Grove Fertility call 301-279-9030 or sign up for a support group.

To schedule a new patient consultation at Shady Grove Fertility, please call 877-971-7755 or schedule an appointment online.

Editors Note: This post was originally published in December 2017.
 
Ellen Eule, LSSW-C

About the Author:
Mrs. Eule has extensive experience as a licensed and board certified Clinical Social Worker in Maryland and Washington D.C. She’s worked with individuals, couples, families, and groups in many settings including HMOs, agencies and private practice. She has a special interest in assessment, issues related to grief and loss, infertility counseling, postpartum depression, and adoption. Mrs. Eule sees patients in the Rockville and Frederick offices, as well as her office in Bethesda.
 

by

When you are faced with changing infertility treatment, you may be feeling some anxiety. Uncertainty over what to do and how to proceed can throw you into a feeling of disequilibrium and you may struggle to achieve a sense of balance again.

It’s important to remember that these are normal feelings. You may be coming from a place of trying for years on your own, from unsuccessful treatments, or a pregnancy loss, and experiencing a sense of grief and loss; therefore it is hard to feel excitement or place hope in the future and a chance of success with another path.

Additionally, starting or changing infertility treatments may involve more advanced options, like in vitro fertilization (IVF), or a different way to build a family, such as using an egg donor or sperm donor, and may require some emotional adjustment on your part.

Tips for Starting or Changing Infertility Treatment

Here are some tips to help if you’re faced with the decision to start a new or change your current infertility treatment plan:

Give yourself time to grieve.
Perhaps you recently had a pregnancy loss or your doctor has just told you that she doesn’t think your current treatment will be successful and that it is time to reconsider. You need time to process this information and pay attention to your emotions before choosing a new path. We all feel more comfortable when we have a plan, but changing infertility treatment just to fill the emptiness inside will not be helpful to you in the long run. Our feelings ultimately catch up with us if we don’t give ourselves the chance to deal with them at the time.

Sit down with your spouse, partner, or a trusted friend.
Evaluate the pros and cons of changing infertility treatment. What costs—financial, logistical, physical, and emotional—will be involved? Will it be a good fit for both you and your partner?

Set a timeframe for making the decision.
While you do want to give yourself time to grieve, you don’t want to be “stuck” with indecision. You can always reevaluate your timeframe depending on how your decision making process is going.

Enlist the help of your medical team, and seek counseling when needed. 
Your medical team will always be there for you and willing to guide you in this process. Seeking counseling can also give you a safe, unrushed space to work through the important decision of changing your treatment plan and come to a resolution.

Keep in mind the saying that “this too shall pass.” 
You will feel better and back in equilibrium once you have made a careful, well-thought-out decision.

Schedule an Appointment

If you are struggling with the decision to start a new or change infertility treatment plans and need additional support, Shady Grove Fertility’s support groups can be an invaluable tool as you surround yourself with others who are in your shoes. Individual or couple counseling is also available. For more information about our support groups or to schedule an appointment, please contact our New Patient Center at 877-971-7755.

Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C

About the Author:
Patricia Sachs, LCSW-C, has worked with individuals, couples, children, and families in hospital, university, and private practice settings. She has been on the counseling staff at Shady Grove Fertility since 1991, and her special interests include counseling patients undergoing IVF, treatment for secondary infertility, as well as those using donor gametes. She recently co-authored, with Carol Toll, LCSW-C, the chapter ‘Counseling recipients of anonymous donor gametes’ in Fertility Counseling: Clinical Guide and Case Studies, edited by Sharon Covington, MSW, LCSW-C, and has also published research on the demographics of anonymous egg donors. Mrs. Sachs sees patients in the Rockville and Waldorf, MD, offices. 

Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in October 2017 and has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness as of August 2019. 

2026 Shady Grove Fertility

Also of interest