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A myth that has persisted for decades is that stress is a source of infertility and unsuccessful fertility treatment. Although there has been no consistent support of this supposition, myths about stress and infertility perpetuate. Let’s take a look at a couple of the most common myths and discuss the truth about stress and infertility.

 3 Myths and Facts about Stress and Infertility

Myth: “Just relax and it will happen.” Individuals and couples experiencing infertility frequently hear this advice from well-intentioned family and friends. It’s often followed-up by a story about another couple they know who was having difficulty conceiving, took a vacation, and got pregnant. The implication is that stress is the cause of your infertility and unsuccessful treatment cycles.

Fact: There is no body of evidence that indicates that a woman’s level of stress affects her pregnancy rate. A recent and comprehensive review of the literature concluded that researchers who carried out rigorous and well-designed studies found no significant relationship between stress and infertility or fertility treatment outcomes. Women have always conceived during times of great stress, for example, during periods of war. Infertility is a disease. The levels of stress experienced by individuals diagnosed with infertility have been found to be similar to that of individuals diagnosed with other chronic illnesses, such as cancer, hypertension, and HIV. Relaxation is no more a cure for infertility than it is a cure for cancer.

Myth: “If you adopt you’ll get pregnant.” This is the idea that if you stop trying to conceive and instead pursue adoption, you’ll alleviate most of the stress in your life. And since stress is the source of your fertility problem, you’ll now be able to conceive and give birth. Those who espouse this myth also spout stories of couples who conceived following adopting one or more children.

Fact: Research consistently fails to demonstrate a relationship between adoption and pregnancy. One particularly rigorous study followed up with 817 fertility patients over the course of 5 years. Of the 48 women in this study who adopted a child, only one spontaneously conceived after adopting. So while it is not impossible, pregnancy after adoption is certainly not probable. In addition, the adoption process can be accompanied by its own emotional and financial stress, as well as a significant waiting period. Finally, this myth can be hurtful to adoptive parents as it implies adopting a child is just a path to obtaining the child they really want.      

Myth: “You’re so stressed from IVF, if you stop treatment you’ll get pregnant.” This is another version of the belief that stress is the source of infertility.   

Fact: Multiple long-term studies have found that following the cessation of IVF treatment, the rates of spontaneous pregnancy and a live birth ranged from 11 to 24 percent. However, it’s important to remember that those women who became pregnant and gave birth tended to be younger, experienced a shorter duration of infertility, and had a less severe fertility diagnosis. It is accepted that IVF treatment can be experienced as stressful, but numerous reviews of the literature have found no relationship between stress levels and IVF outcomes.

The Relationship between Stress and Infertility

Infertility is inherently stressful. Most individuals are used to planning their lives. They may believe that if they work hard at something, they can achieve it. So when it’s hard to get pregnant, they feel as if they don’t have control of their bodies or of their goal of becoming parents. With infertility, no matter how hard you work, it may not be possible to have a baby without help.

Infertility tests and treatments can be physically, emotionally, and financially stressful. Infertility can cause strain in a relationship, which increases stress levels. Individuals may have many doctor appointments for infertility treatment, which can cause them to miss work or other activities. All of these items can add up and, for many, stress is a consequence of fertility challenges and treatment.

Decreasing stress may not increase pregnancy rates or treatment success, but it may improve feelings of well-being and quality of life as you continue on your journey to create or expand your family.

Tips for reducing stress

• Talk with your partner.
• Realize you’re not alone. Identify sources of support you can rely on.  This may include friends and co-workers who have experienced infertility. Shady Grove Fertility offers resources for our patients such as online communities, free support groups, and articles.
• Breathe. Use relaxation exercises, for example, breathing techniques, mindfulness, and guided imagery to help you feel better emotionally and physiologically.
• Exercise. This is one of the best ways to alleviate stress, but consult your doctor about maintaining your regular exercise routine during treatment.
• Seek humor. Humor is a great tool to reduce feelings of stress. Watch comedy films and TV shows, read a humorous book, or download your favorite standup segments.
• Establish a medical treatment plan with your doctor that both you and your partner are comfortable.
• Prepare a response. Strategize how you or you and your partner want to reply and come up with a few snappy comeback lines for the next time someone says to you “Just relax and it will happen.”
• Consider counseling to help you cope with and learn specific tools to reduce your stress. Shady Grove Fertility’s Psychological Support Services team is a group of highly skilled and trained licensed mental health professionals with an expertise in infertility counseling.

To schedule an appointment with Shady Grove Fertility’s Psychological Support Services team, please contact Sharon Covington at 301-279-9030 or sharon.covington@sgfertility.com.

 To schedule an appointment with one of our reproductive endocrinologists, please call our New Patient Center at 1-877-971-7755 to speak with one of our New Patient Liaisons.

About the Author:
Dr. Erica Mindes is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist on the Counseling Staff atShady Grove Fertility, and with the practice of Covington & Hafkin and Associates, seeing patients at offices in Northern Virginia and Richmond. She has conducted research and written on the psychological responses to infertility and infertility treatment, and recently co-authored the chapter, “Counseling Known Participants in Third-Party Reproduction” for Fertility Counseling: Clinical Guide and Case Studies. Dr. Mindes is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine Mental Health Professional Group (MHPG) and serves on the MHPG Executive Committee.

 References:

Lawson, A.K. (2016). Psychological stress and fertility. In: Stevenson, E.L. &  Hershberger, P.E. (Eds.), Fertility and Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART): Theory, Research, Policy, and Practice for Health Care Practitioners. New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company, LLC.

Pinborg, A., Hougaard, C. O., Nyboe Anderson, A., Molbo, D., & Schmidt, L. (2009). Prospective longitudinal cohort study on cumulative 5-year delivery and adoption rates among 1338 couples initiating infertility treatment. Human Reproduction, 24, 991–999.

Troude, P., Bailly, E., Guibert, J., Bouyer, J., de la Rochebrochard, E., & Group, D. (2012). Spontaneous pregnancies among couples previously treated by in vitro fertilization. Fertility and Sterility, 98, 63–68.

Wischmann, Tewes H. (2003). Psychogenic Infertility – Myths and Facts. Journal of Assisted Reproduction and Genetics, 20, 485–494.   

Staying Resilient when Struggling with Infertility

Many women or couples struggling with infertility experience a profound sense of loss on many levels.   Suddenly, you are a “patient” and not a healthy woman or couple. Let’s talk about how we can feel changed by the experience and also how to make this change work FOR you rather than AGAINST you.
You may need to have countless doctor’s appointments, tests, procedures, or consults. Your finances are drained. Your friends, coworkers, siblings, and neighbors all seem to be effortlessly building their families. You may feel a strong sense of shame or stigma for having an infertility diagnosis. And, perhaps the biggest loss of all, the loss of the dream of how your journey to parenthood would look and feel.
All of this adds up over time and you can start to feel like you aren’t the same person you used to be. Friends, family, or even your partner may tell you that you don’t seem like yourself anymore. Maybe you don’t even like this new person you have become. It might not be a pretty picture. Some common thoughts or feelings for those struggling with infertility include:

• Feel irritable, sad, scared, or a “roller coaster” of emotions
• Lose your sense of humor
• Feel less able to “go with the flow”
• Isolate yourself from others
• Lose interest in things that used to be enjoyable
• Feel jealous of others or have a sense that life has been unfair to you
• Experience anger toward others or the world in general

Struggling with infertility can be viewed as an existential crisis, greatly affecting the way you view yourself and the world around you. You might be asking yourself questions like:  Who am I now? Will I ever feel like myself again? What is the purpose of my life? Is the world a safe and predictable place?  Am I being punished for something I did in my past?

Turn Grief into Growth

While it’s normal to question these things in the middle of a crisis, such as infertility, thinking through these types of philosophical questions might actually bring you closer to a sense of peace about your journey. In fact, one of the psychological goals of coping with infertility is learning to slowly integrate infertility into your life story and into the way you view yourself as a person.
It’s true that you may forever be changed by infertility. I think back to a Viktor Frankl quote that really resonates on this level: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This quote sends a powerful message in terms of what needs to happen for many of us to effectively handle all that goes into having infertility. Many people report that struggling with infertility was one of the hardest experiences of their entire lives, even if they were eventually able to have they family they wanted.

View Infertility as an Opportunity

So, how can you transform this traumatic journey into an opportunity for growth and wisdom? Even though it might feel next to impossible to do, try to think of the “gifts” of infertility:

• Developing a closer relationship with your partner
• Finding increased support from certain family members or friends (and clarification on which relationships really matter)
• Learning to prioritize your own needs and take better care of yourself
• Advocating for yourself in a challenging medical environment
• Learning a new set of healthy coping tools
• Finding a new sense of compassion for others who are struggling
• Finding gratitude in your life
• Feeling more connected spiritually
• Learning how strong and resilient you really are

 
These are potential ways you have learned to adapt and grow as a result of struggling with infertility.   Work toward leaning into the change instead of resisting it. Look for daily signs of meaning and purpose in your life. Consider a daily mindfulness or gratitude practice to notice the positive changes you are making. You may be transforming into a new person, but that new person is strong, courageous, and worthy of the family of her dreams!

If you are struggling with infertility and need additional support during your infertility journey, Shady Grove Fertility support groups can be an invaluable tool as you surround yourself with others who “get it” and where you can normalize your feelings and your changing sense of self.  Individual or couples counseling is also available. For more information about our support groups or to schedule an appointment, please contact our New Patient Center at 877-971-7755.
 

About the Author:

Mia Joelsson, LCSW-C is a licensed clinical social worker in Pennsylvania and Maryland. She has a special interest in working with individuals and couples facing reproductive challenges of infertility, pregnancy, pregnancy loss, and postpartum adjustment. Mrs. Joelsson is passionate about helping “infertility graduates” who are adapting to the new realities of pregnancy and parenting after struggling with infertility. She sees clients primarily in Harrisburg, PA.
 

By now, you have likely seen or heard of Whitney and Spencer Blake, a couple who openly discussed their infertility through humorous infertility announcements on their blog. Just likely many couples, they were inundated with pregnancy and birth announcements on their social media feed, and it was a constant reminder of what they were sourly missing, “We try to be happy and congratulatory, but when we are at the heart of our struggle, it’s really devastating,” says Whitney to Good Morning America.

While their project has struck a chord with thousands of women and men struggling with infertility, it also opened the topic to the fertile crowd, “We heard people that said, ‘Wow, that made me think about it in a different way’ [and] it’s nice to hear that.”

Shady Grove Fertility’s Director of Psychological Support Services, Sharon N. Covington, MSW, LCSW-C, told ABC News that the photos were touching and “right on target.”

“Infertility is an experience that touches so many people in this country, yet is something that is still, for many, very hard to talk about,” Covington said. “There’s a lot of private shame and pain associated with it. Our patients talk about how social media can be a powerful source of support, but a painful one as well. They [the Blakes] did this with humor and were able to speak to the core issues.”

After years of unsuccessful infertility treatments, the Blakes decided to pursue adoption, and are now the proud parents of two boys. View the Blakes’ complete set of infertility announcements and read more of their story on their blog.

To take your first step in overcoming infertility, please call our New Patient Center at 1-877-971-7755 or click here.

Avoid These 4 Phrases if you Know Couples with Fertility Issues:

Couples with fertility issues and couples who are trying to conceive often feel pressure from friends, family, and even strangers when it comes to building their family. Often, well-meaning loved ones can say something innocently but it can come across as insensitive, or ask a seemingly innocuous question but it’s construed as intrusive. If you are a loved one or friend of someone who is trying to conceive or might be trying to conceive, we offer these questions and phrases as best to avoid, and four other phrases to use instead.

When are you having kids?

This question can be especially hurtful to struggling women and couples with fertility issues. It can be a longer process for some couples when age or other medical factors are involved. Chrissy Teigen, supermodel and wife of John Legend, recently opened up about her struggle, and said “Anytime somebody asks me if I’m going to have kids, I’m like, ‘one day, you’re going to ask that to the wrong girl who’s really struggling, and it’s going to be really hurtful to them.”

Read more about this story here.

Why don’t you just adopt?

Adoption, while a wonderful option, can be a long and arduous process.  The process can vary state to state, take an indefinite amount of time, and cost thousands of dollars. While adoption is wonderful thing, it is not for everyone, and it is definitely not a simple process. In a recent Babble article writer Leah Campbell writes,

“People seem to be so convinced that adoption is the perfect solution to infertility, but the truth is, one does not eradicate the other. There is no ‘baby store’ to wander into in the pursuit of your happy, healthy, perfect infant; and there is no magic eraser to wipe away the pain of not being able to carry that baby yourself. Adoption does not erase the scars of infertility, and infertility is not a reason alone to adopt.”

When you stop trying, you’ll get pregnant.

While there are a myriad of ways to boost a women’s fertility, medically or naturally, “trying to get pregnant” is a part of the process. While factors like stress, weight, and diet can affect a woman’s fertility, infertility is a medical diagnosis and a disease. RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association and partner of Shady Grove Fertility is very clear on the subject. They say, “Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it.”

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

Every couple, individual, and journey is unique. Deciding how, if, or when to move forward can be an intense, personal decision and hearing someone speculate about what is or is not meant to be can be extremely painful and hinder the process. Respecting the couple, or individual, and giving them enough space to decide on a plan for themselves can be one of the best things friends and family can do.

4 Helpful Phrases that Show Support for Couples Trying to Conceive

The best thing a friend or family member can do is to offer support, a listening ear, and to become informed. It would be very encouraging for friends and families members to show support through phrases like, “I care about you and what you’re going through.”

Some people also feel cared for when friends and family members show a genuine interest in the process (without offering advice). A phrase such as “Can you tell me more about …?” or “If ever you’d like to talk, know that I’m always here” might be a nice conversation starter that shows you have a genuine interest and offers your loved one the opportunity to open up if he/she chooses.

Another very positive way to show love is to commend their bravery and acknowledge their strength, endurance, and determination by saying, “Wow, you don’t give yourself enough credit. I admire how brave you are to have endured so much.”

Lastly, let them know “I will support you no matter what you choose.” This lets them know that they are free from judgment and that your love for them is unconditional—a truly powerful message to send.

For more information about infertility or issues with fertility please visit our website at www.shadygrovefertility.com or call us at 877-971-7755 to schedule an appointment. Couples with fertility issues often find support from our support team by attending support groups or one-on-one sessions.