Lauren and Michael: To Love and Nurture
A Donor Egg Recipient Perspective
Even though Lauren and Michael were older when they got married, they were both totally dedicated to having a child. They tried for six months on their own and then they came to Shady Grove Fertility for help.
Because of their age, their chances for success – even with the most advanced fertility treatments – were low, but Lauren wanted to try anyway. She says, “I was the type that had to try everything before we considered donor egg or adoption. I told the doctor ‘I know it’s a long-shot but I can’t leave any stone unturned.'”
And she didn’t. Lauren did fertility treatment for two and half years with no success. It was only after all that effort that she and Michael considered donor eggs. “We had a serious discussion about it,” says Lauren, “and we decided that our number one goal was to love and nurture a child, and it wouldn’t matter how we got him or her.”
Donor eggs allowed Lauren and Michael to have a family they couldn’t have had any other way.
Wanting the Whole Experience
It can be painful for couples to accept that they won’t be able to have their own biological children. But after so many failed cycles of treatment, Lauren and Michael had finally come to that point.
“It’s hard to wrap your brain around moving onto this new path of donor eggs, but we were so thankful to have it as an option.”
Lauren and Michael were not considering adoption because they had seen their friends have a difficult experience with it. “Adoption is not a sure thing. You can spend a lot of money and it can fall through at the last minute,” Lauren says. “We didn’t have enough money to take any chances. We wanted to do what we thought had the best chance of success and that was using donor eggs.”
The best thing about donor eggs, in Lauren’s opinion, was the opportunity to carry the child. She says, “I had always dreamed of being pregnant since I was a little girl. I knew I could carry a child, so I wanted to have the full experience of pregnancy and childbirth.”
A Donor Who is like Family
Many couples are looking for a donor that resembles their family, with a similar ethnic or cultural background, so that the child they have will feel a sense of belonging. That’s why having a diverse pool of donors is so important.
“We are Jewish and we both have brown hair and green eyes,” says Lauren. “We knew that when people met the child, they would try to find a resemblance. Everyone always says: ‘she looks like you’ or ‘he has your eyes’. So we didn’t want to pick someone too different from ourselves.”
In addition, Lauren and Michael focused on family medical history so that the child would be as healthy as possible. Lastly, they considered the donor’s interests and education. Lauren says, “We wanted our donor to be a well-rounded person. If she had interests similar to mine, then that was a bonus.”
Lauren and Michael had to choose two different donors before they could complete a cycle successfully. Once they did, they became pregnant with twin girls. Lauren says that the pregnancy and birth was everything she had hoped for and more.
“Technically, there isn’t a genetic link between me and them, but I loved them the whole time I was carrying them. They were physically a part of me, and I think that makes them mine completely.”
Donors Change Lives
Lauren and Michael couldn’t be happier with their new family. “They are our everything. They are our world,” says Lauren. “I love them so much that when we feed them at night, I sit there holding them with tears streaming down my face. It’s a lot of work, but it’s the most fulfilling thing I have ever done.”
Lauren wishes she could write her donor a thank you letter. “If I could send our donor a message, it would be a huge thank you. We love her for making this decision. We don’t know her, but we love her. Without her, we wouldn’t have a family.”
She adds, “I think if more women knew how dramatically they could change someone’s life, more of them would donate their eggs.”
