Susanne & Rico

Rico and I met each other at work. While we were dating, we always talked about starting a family someday, and there was no doubt for either of us that we wanted to have children. I was always around my cousins growing up and loved babies. I was in the delivery room with my sister when my two nephews and niece were born. While I loved every minute of being the Aunt that got to spoil them, I always dreamed of holidays and family gatherings with my own children.

Just prior to Rico and I getting married, I went to my OB/GYN due to irregular menstrual cycles in my late 20’s and sometimes going six months without a period. My doctor did some testing and couldn’t find anything he considered “significant.” He said I had small ovaries, but other than that, sometimes women who are very athletic (which I was at the time) do not have regular periods. He put me on a medication to bring on my period.

I didn’t think much of it since I was not actively trying to get pregnant at the time. About 6 months prior to our wedding at age 31, I went to a new OB/GYN to see if she could figure out why I was having irregular periods. We wanted to start trying to have kids as soon as we were married. I will never forget the phone call that I received at work on a Thursday morning. The doctor told me that my Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) levels were extremely high, which is typically seen once you are in menopause.

She said it appeared that I was in Premature Ovarian Failure. I needed to go to a fertility specialist as soon as possible and see if they could harvest any of my eggs. Needless to say, I was devastated and in complete shock. My Doctor recommended that I call Shady Grove Fertility in Waldorf, MD and make an appointment with Dr. Kipersztok.

Coming to Shady Grove Fertility

I immediately left work and called Rico. I told him that he needed to leave work and meet me for lunch. I was convinced that he would no longer want to marry me if I could not give him children. After much convincing from him that he would not leave no matter what, we dialed the number to Shady Grove Fertility and the rest was history.

We had our new patient consultation with Dr. Kipersztok and after looking at my lab results and running a few additional tests, he confirmed that I was in premature ovarian failure. He told us with my lack of follicles, I was not a candidate for IVF with my own eggs and would need an egg donor. I took the news very hard. We left the office and I cried the entire way home, for days, and probably the next few weeks. I was completely devastated that I would never have my own biological children. I felt robbed of something that I had always dreamed of and wanted my whole life.

After much soul searching, I decided we would move forward with the process and it didn’t matter whether or not they were my own eggs because genetics does not make someone a good mother or father…love does. We started the testing prior to getting married and shortly after our wedding, we began searching through the egg donor database.

Rico and I decided to go with the Shared Donor Egg Program to try and save on cost. Our first cycle was in Feb 2015 and it was unsuccessful. The wind was taken out of our sails. We had so much hope and now we didn’t know what to do.

In the process of deciding if we should try another cycle, I decided to talk to an old friend who I remembered had gone through so much to have her child. I never knew the details but learned that she too had premature ovarian failure and ended up having her own biological child. We took a break from donor egg treatment and decided we would try stimulating my own eggs to see if we could also be successful. We tried for 10 months and I only ovulated once. Rico and I decided that we were happy knowing that we gave it a try, but I came to terms with not passing my genetics along. I just wanted a child to love.

Devastating news

After updating some of our tests, we were back to the egg donor database and did a frozen embryo transfer in March 2016. April 15, 2016, we got the call that we had a positive beta – WE WERE PREGNANT! We were over the moon excited!! Finally, the time had come for us. And then, the worst happened. At my 10-week ultrasound, we found out there was no longer a heartbeat for our little baby. I had a D&C which was one of the hardest days of my life. I felt completely empty when it was over. I was depressed and I couldn’t focus at work. I lost interest in just about everything. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to us. I took a month off of work to get myself together and figure out what this meant for us.

Trying again (and again)

We decided to give it a try again with another frozen embryo transfer in December 2016. A couple of days before Christmas and just days before the due date of the prior pregnancy we lost, we found out we had a chemical pregnancy. We had a positive beta, but then it declined. At that point, I thought I was done, and it was time to move on to adoption. For a few months, I made phone calls and conducted research regarding adoption, but something continued to nag at me. I felt as though I needed to keep trying because after being pregnant and knowing it was possible, I couldn’t give up on my dream.

I wanted to feel what it was like to carry a life inside of me and hopefully someday feel that life move around in my big belly. I would see pregnant women all around me and wonder why that couldn’t be me. My friends were having babies and while I was jealous, it also gave me hope because some of them had gone to SGF themselves and they were proof that miracles do happen. We decided to try again.

When we got access to the donor database, Rico was traveling for work. We learned from one of our very first cycles, you have to act quickly when you find a donor you really like. Unfortunately, by the time I saw his message with his #1 choice, she was already gone from the database. So, we went with our #2 choice, and this time around, opted to do genetic testing of our embryos prior to the transfer.

In June 2017, we learned that we had a chromosomally normal blastocyst, so in July we did the transfer. Things were looking bright…and then they weren’t. Another negative beta test! We were beyond disappointed again. Everything seemed perfect and still we were left with nothing. At this point, Dr. Kipersztok had retired and Dr. Kulshrestha suggested that I do an Endometrial Receptivity Array (ERA) to determine whether or not my uterine lining was actually receptive on a Day 5 transfer.

We went through a mock cycle, the procedures were performed, and we waited for the results. Finally, an answer! The testing revealed that my uterine lining was more receptive for a Day 6 transfer than the typical Day 5 transfer. While we were in the process of doing ERA testing, we were back to choosing another donor, and much to our surprise, the donor that my husband had wanted to choose during the previous cycle was back in the database and we were able to reserve her! More good news! We once again opted to have the embryos genetically tested and found out that we had two normal embryos. Now that we knew all of these things, we were ready to move forward with another Frozen Embryo Transfer.

The next big decision was how many to transfer. Dr. Kulshrestha recommended transferring one, but my husband was adamant that we move forward with transferring both. I waivered back and forth because I was hoping for the opportunity to be pregnant more than once if I only transferred one at a time. However, I ultimately decided the past had proven there were no guarantees, so we decided to transfer both embryos in December 2017 in the Rockville, MD office. This was our last embryo transfer no matter what. We had decided that if this cycle was unsuccessful, we were going to move on to adoption. I could no longer handle the roller coaster, physically or mentally.

Amazing news!

On December 23^rd, I “cheated” and took a home pregnancy test. It was POSITIVE!! We were cautious about our excitement after the previous chemical pregnancy. The day after Christmas, I drove to Waldorf with a stomach full of butterflies and sweaty palms and had my blood drawn. I paced the floors all morning waiting for that phone call from my nurse.

Finally, the phone was ringing, and I hesitantly answered hoping for the best, but fearing the worst. Then my nurse said, “congratulations!” and told me my beta number was 4,757. Then I almost passed out because I thought there could have been more than two in there!

A few weeks later, we went for our first ultrasound. I was so scared from all of the prior disappointments, but this time we left with pictures of TWO babies in my belly! Finally. It turned out to be the dream I had always waited for. I was nervous every single day but also enjoyed it every step of the way. I carried our babies to 38 weeks and 3 days. I was induced on August 19^th and our baby girl and baby boy made their arrival on August 20th!

Our lives were forever changed and our dream of becoming parents finally came true! Without the wonderful doctors, nurses, and support staff at Shady Grove Fertility, our dreams would have remained just that – a dream!

Advice for future patients

For those of you who are still waiting for your dream of parenthood to come true, don’t give up hope! I know it’s easier said than done, but there really is a rainbow of hope for you! Take it one day, one appointment, one blood draw, one needle stick, one ultrasound at a time because someday very soon, you will look back as you hold your baby in your arms and it will all be a very distant memory.

Without a doubt, I can tell you everything you have been through and will continue to go through will be worth it tenfold when they lay that baby or babies in your arms for the very first time!

For those of you who need to build your family with an egg donor, I’m here to assure you that I love my babies just the same and even though they may not share my family’s genetics, we often receive compliments that my son resembles my dad and my brother. My husband and I just look at each other and smile and say, “we picked a great donor!”

My final words of encouragement come from a quote one of my friends shared with me during our journey. “The moment you’re ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens.”