Lindsey & Gracie

Gracie and I met back in 2016, were engaged in 2017, and married in 2018. Before we began this journey, my wife and I had built full, meaningful lives — filled with friendship, adventure, and fun. Parenthood wasn’t always part of the plan for either of us. It wasn’t something we had necessarily dreamed about from a young age. But when we found each other, that all changed. The love we shared made space for a new dream. Building a family started to feel not just possible, but deeply right, and wanting to see each other as parents became our next big adventure together.

As a queer couple, we knew that having a child would obviously take a nontraditional route. We explored options with adoption, but that process isn’t necessarily easier in any way, and when hearing about the possibilities of reciprocal IVF, it felt like a process that still centered around each of us and allowed us to both take part. We wanted to make sure we found a clinic that was convenient, welcoming, and nuanced to our unique journey as partners and future parents.

Finding inclusive fertility care at SGF

We initially started at another local clinic, but we found the facilities to be super outdated, and the staff was short and very clinical with us. I went through one egg retrieval there, without favorable results, and while we took a break in the process, we started exploring other options. That’s what brought us to Shady Grove Fertility: we wanted expert care, but also a team that would respect and affirm our identity and journey. 
 
From the first appointment, we knew we had found our perfect match. Dr. Leah Bressler walked us through all the possibilities together, even drawing us diagrams, answering all of our questions, really taking her time with us, where we felt extremely validated and informed. I had concerns about my endometriosis that was uncovered at the first clinic, and about being 35 years old, but she did a great job of easing fears, while also being realistic about challenges we may face. She made a point to be intentional about our pronouns, and all of the intake forms were gender neutral, which may seem small, but it was a huge difference from our last clinic. You immediately could tell that we were in good hands with SGF, before even walking through the doors.  
 
Our first step at SGF was for Gracie to go through her egg retrieval. The nurses and staff were incredible — from the receptionists to those taking her blood (day after day after day!) – you could tell that everyone genuinely enjoys their work environment and that they are passionate about the difference they make. After all was said and done, we ended up with 4 viable embryos. To get the timing right and maximize our potential, we opted for a frozen embryo transfer (FET), but unfortunately, at our first 10-day blood test, we found out our first transfer wasn’t successful. Dr. Bressler immediately had a plan of what we could do differently, and she connected me with an endometriosis research trial that was being done locally at Duke, that she felt I could be a perfect candidate for. It required 60 days of medication, but the reset was almost welcomed, just due to the high emotions that come with loss. However, I never felt alone or hopeless; Dr. Bressler was kind, empathetic, and proactive throughout.

An incredible level of care

When we were ready to try again with our second FET, things just felt different. For one, we were absolutely experts at needles and syringes by this point. But knowing what I was about to experience with implantation and seeing this incredible room of all women around us making this thing happen was so powerful. We tested early and found out I was pregnant on Christmas morning. Each appointment after was nerve racking as we waited to make sure it stuck, but I so looked forward to seeing our nurses each week. Ellie was incredible and all the techs helping us along the way were so positive. When we finally graduated from SGF, it was a bit of a letdown going to a regular OB/GYN like traditional couples! I missed that incredible level of care we had, but Dr. Bressler still regularly messaged us and checked in, even beyond our time together. She even reached out ahead of time about queer-friendly lawyers in the area that we could contact, when we were ready to go through the weirdly archaic process of second-parent adoption.

The greatest gift

Baby Noah was born big and healthy at the end of August, after being induced at 39 weeks. Having him has been the greatest gift we’ve ever received, and I want to shout from the rooftops about how positive our experience in getting here was with SGF. It can feel isolating, consuming, and overwhelming starting this journey, but the amount of true care and support from SGF and Dr. Bressler was like none other. We were able to join back at SGF’s Family Fall Festival at their new facility, and show off our sweet baby Noah to all the incredible doctors and nurses that made this possible, which was such a surreal moment, and we look forward to catching up at that fun event for years to come, alongside other families who have enjoyed the benefits of working alongside their incredible team.

The journey is important

For people or couples looking to start building a family in maybe a nontraditional way – just know there are positive resources for you out there, and you don’t have to go with a clinic that doesn’t affirm or respect your unique identity and journey. Explore different options, and make sure that while the result of your little one is obviously the main goal, the journey to get there is important too. Sometimes, you can be working alongside these teams for months and years, so you don’t have to settle – I guarantee that choosing SGF will result in a supportive and respectful relationship that will go that much further in helping you to your future positive results!