My husband Brian and I have been married for almost 8 years. I am a pediatric nurse practitioner, and Brian owns a hardscape business, but we both have a love for home renovation and design in our 1860 Bucks County farmhouse.
We have always been the busy type, but when we finally decided that we were ready to grow our family, we were surprised that it was not working. The truth is, you hear about the 1:8 statistic of infertility, but you never think that you will be the one. There was a new level of disappointment and worry that followed with each unsuccessful month that passed.
I started to share about our journey TTC on my Instagram page and I was surprised how many other people could relate to the heartache in the wait. After about 14 months trying to conceive, we had our first appointment with Dr. Martin at Shady Grove Fertility and were surprised with the eventual diagnosis of unexplained infertility after the initial workup. This diagnosis felt very defeating. Dr. Martin was incredible, and he talked us through every step of the process with the plan to start with intrauterine insemination (IUI). We had a newfound hope with the first round of IUI but were unfortunately disappointed with the negative HCG after the long 2-week wait.
We were set to start our second round of IUI when our beloved black lab was suddenly taken from us too soon. To be completely honest, it felt very unfair. It felt like we were having our only “baby” taken from us while simultaneously 18 months into trying to have a baby of our own. We were left with just the two of us. We considered taking a break from infertility treatments given the circumstances and added stress during this time, but we decided to continue as planned with our second round of IUI.
To our complete and utter surprise, we were pregnant.
Although we had a hard time getting to the point of pregnancy, once I was pregnant it was wonderful. I truly loved being pregnant. I think because we waited and prayed so much for the pregnancy, I was very mindful to soak in every milestone until she was here. It was a huge milestone when I started to feel the small movements and flutters, and as they progressed to bigger movements and kicks. Feeling her move was helpful for me to feel more connected to her, and that we were really getting closer to having our someday.
Brian and I initially did not want to find out the sex of our baby until birth, but we did find that it also made it more difficult for us to feel connected to the pregnancy. We decided at the 20-week ultrasound to find out, and for us, it made it so much more real to be able to call her by her name, Lily.
Lily was due on July 8th, but I was having bouts of regular contractions starting at 36 weeks. She ended up coming in her own perfect time at 40 weeks and 4 days on her grandmother in Heaven’s birthday. We couldn’t help but feel like she came right from her arms in Heaven and into ours.
Those first moments holding her in my arms as she looked into my eyes are something I will truly never forget. We had a full hour with her right after she was born to be with her uninterrupted. Seeing Brian hold her for the first time was so sweet to witness, and we still look at each other in awe that she is ours.
There are times when you are reminded that although it is hard to see when you’re in the midst of it, everything does seem to happen in its own perfect time.
In the midst of our journey TTC, I found writing to be a therapeutic way to cope with the emotions in the unknown. Brian and I listened to a song on a particularly hard day, and we truly felt connected to the lyrics in that moment. I combined my writing with some of the lyrics of the song “Someday” by William Beckmann and developed a children’s book in the process.
Sometimes, when you are in the midst of trying to conceive, it seems like every story ends with a happy ending but your own. I wrote my book to provide support to those in the wait; the story of hope before your someday is here.
And if you are currently in the wait and feeling overwhelmed with the process, we are praying for your someday soon. Give yourself grace in the hard days, but then pick yourself back up, and keep moving forward without looking back. Infertility is a season, and similar to any other season, it eventually changes.
There will be good days and bad days, but it is important to keep hope in the wait because when your someday comes after the wait, it is the most beautiful transformation yet.