Andrea & Matt

Matt and I got married in 2009. I was 26 and he was 25. We bought our first home shortly after that and already had a dog. I was always a very social person and family-centered. I have always been in pretty good health and had no suspicions that getting pregnant would be difficult.

It was time to get help

It was the pregnancy announcement my sister-in-law made that made me realize there may be a problem. We had been trying to conceive for over a year. I was crushed and disappointed in myself so I decided it was time to seek help.

After research, I chose to go to Shady Grove Fertility. We completed all the diagnostic testing required and everything appeared healthy. Our doctor was optimistic that we would achieve pregnancy and believed intrauterine insemination (IUI) was the best option. My husband and I were hesitant and waited a few more months before starting our treatment. We just couldn’t believe this was happening to us.

Starting with low-tech options

Matt and I underwent 5 IUI cycles. I began my treatment having a large fear of needles. It took about 30 minutes for me to do the first shot. I was convinced in my head that the first IUI attempt would work. When I found out that it didn’t I was absolutely crushed. This began what I call my depression period.

We proceeded to do another cycle and again I was very hopeful in thinking it would work. Again it did not work and again I was crushed. I was ready to skip ahead to more aggressive options, but my nurse recommended I try our current protocol one more time before moving on. She also recommended getting involved with an area support group.

She introduced me to RESOLVE and I began attending monthly meetings with other females going through infertility. I reached out to the coordinator in my area and found out the information for their meetings. The meetings were held once a month in a public library that had a private space where we could share, which was only a 5-minute drive from my home.

Typically there would be about 5-8 women who attended each month and a ‘leader’ for the group. The leader was in charge of sending out reminder emails and welcoming new individuals to the group. The groups ran for about 2 hours each time because we all had so much in common. There were individuals representing all different stages of the infertility experience. Since I was new to the group I was able to learn a lot of information about the different procedures from individuals who had recently undergone them. As time passed I found myself on the other side of the table, sharing my experiences with individuals who were just starting their journey.

After the third IUI cycle did not work, we moved on to try a different medication protocol which included injectable medication. This period of time occurred around the holidays which I found to be hard. During the cycle, my brother and his wife announced their pregnancy.

I again felt crushed and disappointed in myself. I felt broken and confused about why my body couldn’t do something that seemed as simple as getting pregnant. I also felt guilt from not being able to give my parents the joy of being grandparents. I chose to open up to my parents about our struggles rather than keeping them in. We explained our year and a half struggle to them. After this, I began avoiding social and family gatherings. I was depressed.

Advancing treatment: moving to IVF

This cycle plus the next did not work for us. We were then told that our next step was In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). When we started treatment, my husband and I agreed we would not do IVF, but we changed our minds. I was now 30 and feared I would never get pregnant. It finally sunk in we were infertile and needed help.

During the first IVF we were very fortunate to be ‘good responders’. During this month in our cycle I met an individual at the RESOLVE meeting who was going to start her first infertility treatment, which was IVF, which aligned with mine. We stayed in touch throughout the month to update one another about our progress.

Our cycle resulted in eight embryos. I was relieved to think I wouldn’t have to do any more shots! On the morning of our transfer we learned all but one embryo stopped growing. It was devastating. It felt like my children had passed. They transferred the lasting embryo and I was pessimistic about our success.

Finally … good news!

A week after the transfer I was feeling menstrual cramps and cried often. Anything would set me off and it made it difficult to work. When the day came to do our blood work, I was more than shocked when I learned the cycle worked… I was pregnant!

I am now 33 weeks pregnant and expecting a little girl in January. I am back to my old self and feeling happy again. My husband and I are so much closer then we were before this journey, and I am so thankful for that. I am also thankful for all the support I received from close friends and family. After a few weeks, I announced to my RESOLVE group that we were pregnant. It was great to receive a lot of positive support from the group.

My advice to other patients

My advice is always to get involved with RESOLVE. Having a support group was very meaningful to me. I found it beneficial to speak to other women going through the same experiences as me. It was a perfect balance to have the clinical perspective from my medical team and the personal accounts from members at RESOLVE to understand and help me through my journey.

I would also recommend looking for changes in yourself and not always thinking one way or another. My infertility consumed my life and in retrospect that was unhealthy. Try to push yourself to resume a normal life and remember that there is always a way to be a parent, it just may be a different path than initially planned.