When Ellyn and her husband, Jerry, started fertility treatment, they had never heard of using donor eggs. But after 3 cycles of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and 1 Frozen Embryo Transfer failed to produce a pregnancy, their doctor called them in to talk about it.
“We didn’t think it was for us, but we planned to just go in and hear him out,” says Ellyn. “We scheduled the appointment on a Friday and afterwards, we went away for the weekend. We had been through so much, we decided we would take the weekend off and then talk through the decision when we got back.”
At that appointment, their doctor, Dr. Ricardo Yazigi of the GBMC office in Towson, explained that after 3 or 4 failed cycles of IVF, their chances of becoming pregnant with their own eggs was very low. However, if Ellyn and Jerry were to use the eggs of a young, healthy donor, their chances of becoming pregnant would jump back up to a much higher level. “Dr. Yazigi was so understanding of what a difficult journey it had been for us,” Ellyn says. “He was soft-spoken, and he explained everything very clearly. He also listened a lot, which we really appreciated”
Once they returned from their trip and weighed out the options, they started to feel like the donor egg program might work for them. “It was hard to swallow at first. Our infertility was unexplained, so it was like no one could tell us what was wrong with my eggs,” says Ellyn. “But once we talked about it for a while, I thought: you know, it won’t be my egg but I’m going to carry the baby, and it will still be a part of me. Basically, my role after the embryo transfer will be the same as it would have been before.”
Dr. Yazigi gave Ellyn and Jerry access to the database of egg donors, so they could get a better feeling for the program. “Once I started looking at the donors, I saw that there were women donating that were a lot like me,” says Ellyn. “It made me feel a lot more comfortable with the process.”
Ellyn and Jerry decided they would enter the donor egg program. Since they didn’t have insurance coverage for treatment, they joined Shady Grove Fertility’s Shared Risk 100% Refund program and took advantage of the 1:3 Shared Donor Egg Program. That meant that they would pay one fee for up to 6 fresh donor egg cycles and the related frozen cycles, and that they would share the eggs of a single donor with 2 other couples. If they were not successful in bringing a baby home from the hospital, they would get a full refund.
“When we started, we were really excited and hopeful.” says Ellyn. “It was like we were getting a second chance to start treatment all over again.”
Unfortunately, their first cycle did not result in a pregnancy. “We had decided that we would not do all 6 cycles that the program allowed. We had been through a lot, and we needed to put a limit on it,” explains Ellyn, “but we were willing to try a second time.”
It was a good thing they did because their second cycle worked. Ellyn became pregnant with twins, one girl and one boy. She and Jerry were ecstatic to finally have success, and Ellyn loved carrying and delivering the babies. “It’s been so much more than I ever expected,” she says. “I look at them every day, and I think: I may have gone through a lot to get here, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. They are totally worth it.”
Her advice to other couples who are contemplating using donor eggs is: “Be open-minded. Sometimes you have to give up that critical piece of control. There’s a reason you can’t use your own eggs, and it’s OK. You just have to accept that. Talk to other people who have been through it.”
She adds, “For me, it was life-changing. I carried those babies inside of me and nothing will ever change that. It didn’t matter if they shared my DNA, I wouldn’t love them any less.”
