My Personal Story

I have always been a planner. I find security in knowing what to expect and having control over my life and future. That’s why when my husband and I first began to discuss having children, we had it all worked out ahead of time…or so we thought.

We got married, waited a year, and then began our process of planning our family. I had everything worked out. I planned the month I would get pregnant, when the baby would be born, and when I would be on maternity leave. After almost a year of trying, we were shocked when each month would fly by with no results. After lots of anticipation, pregnancy tests, and ovulation kits we began to think there might be something wrong. That led us to our primary care doctor and a final discovery that we would never be able to have children on our own. This was the beginning of a journey we knew nothing about and could never have imagined we’d encounter.

I think people mentally prepare themselves for the possibility that there will be roadblocks in life. However, it never entered my thoughts that we would have difficulty having children. Infertility makes roller coasters look predictable and stable. I think it is a world that one can only truly understand, once they’ve experienced it. People will try to be supportive and empathetic, and although you cannot fault them, they will never fully get what you are going through. This is the main reason why I feel sharing our story is so important.

Each couple’s infertility experience is different, but the underlying emotions are all the same. We have never wanted something so desperately that felt so far out of our control. As people, we tend to have the power to make most of the choices in our lives. We become accustomed to making all of our decisions. We get to decide our careers, where we want to live, who we want to marry, and when it will all happen. It becomes an expectation that we get to decide if we want to have children, when we want to have them, and how many we want to have. So, it was like hitting a brick wall at 90 mph when we were told all of this was now out of our hands.

After a referral to one specialist, who referred us to another specialist, we were then referred to the specialists at Shady Grove Fertility Center. I remember the first time we met with Dr. McKeeby like it was yesterday. We now refer to him as “our favorite doctor.” Throughout the initial consultation, he kept us laughing. This was a concept my husband and I took with us throughout our journey. After we gave ourselves the opportunity to be devastated and the time to cry, we made sure we laughed.

It always felt like every time we took two steps forward, we fell one step back. There were more set backs and times of heart wrenching news than I can count. But I did learn that even at such a slow pace, you can still win the race. At some point, we sat down and took a deep look into our lives now and in the future. I will never forget my husband describing his burning desire for us to be grandparents, sitting in our home surrounded by our children and grandchildren. As he talked, I could picture his vision so vividly. It was as if it were happening at that moment. We looked at each other and decided we were committed to doing whatever it would take to have children, and what didn’t kill us could only make us stronger.

After six years, at least 50, five-hour round trips to Shady Grove and back, eight total surgeries, five rounds of IVF (including one round of a frozen cycle), acupuncture, changing my entire nutritional intake, an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage, endless waiting, over $30,000, and more shots than I’d like to remember, we have the most beautiful, precious son and daughter.

There were many points along the way where we could have stopped either due to frustration and anger, exhaustion, a decision to live our lives as a couple, or even to opt for adoption. I know others who have taken these paths. There is no right or wrong, it is most important that couples do what is best for them.

I am very appreciative that with all the differences my husband and I had, when it came to our determination and our desire for our family to grow we were always on the same page. And even though there were times we got so frustrated (I would have preferred he spent the night in a tent in the back yard) we stuck together and remained on the same team. It was us (and Shady Grove) against infertility. It helped tremendously to determine the pieces that were within my control so that I was able to do something, anything, that could contribute to a higher chance of success. I had the ability to decide when I wanted to start a cycle, I made the decision to do acupuncture, eliminate caffeine, and I educated myself and asked lots of questions.

So in the end, we put our trust, our lives, and our future in the hands of God and Shady Grove. We could not have asked for a better place to be. Dr. McKeeby was extraordinarily knowledgeable, empathetic, patient, humorous, and a joy to work with. Looking back now, I feel truly blessed to have been through this experience. Without this journey we would not have our children and because of it. Our family has grown stronger and closer and we feel such a sense of empowerment that together, we can overcome any obstacle life brings us.